If you are OK with an older untrained man taking a 12 year old girl, alone, behind closed doors, without parental knowledge or consent, to ask personal sexual questions….DO NOT READ ON!!!! You’re good to go.
Calling It Like It Is
No more pussy footing around. A crappy spade is a crappy spade. More & more continues to come out. The church leadership has affected my own children more than I knew. Just today, I found out additional things that were done to my young children. So, here goes.
Bishops….get your thoughts and probing questions out of our daughter’s panties.
Bishops…get your thoughts and probing questions out of our sons’ underpants.
Bishops…masturbation and sex are totally inappropriate topics to be discussed with our minor children.
Bishops…shaming and guilting our children is NOT acceptable.
Bishops…interrogating our children about orgasm, penetration or sexual positions is sexual abuse of minors. It’s a serious and nasty business. STOP IT!!!
Blatant Disregard for Parental Protection
Listen to this story from a mother trying to protect her son. Here are her words.
Below is an email I sent to my children’s bishop in November 2016 just after my son (Tyler) turned 16 and was being interviewed for the position of priest in the church (he was denied and still has not received it). I told my spouse (Bryan) before this interview that he had to be present with our Tyler and not allow him to be questioned about sexual matters. He missed my understanding on that and Tyler was questioned about masturbation anyway.
Dear Bishop, Bryan informed me a little while ago that Tyler was asked questions of a sexual nature during his last interview. I had specifically requested that my son not be asked those questions. I find it highly inappropriate for a full-grown adult to ask questions of a sexual nature to an adolescent. I don’t want him to feel shame and guilt for his actions. The shame and guilt has caused Bryan so much pain and self-loathing over the years. I don’t want Tyler to feel that way. Please respect my wishes when it comes to Tyler, and all the other children in my family. I know that it’s the request of the brethren to address these with the youth, but I am not comfortable with it. Please refrain from this questioning to my children.
Respectfully, Shellie Smith
Two weeks following, he re-interviewed Tyler without my husband or I being present, and again asked about his masturbation habit. I told my children and my husband that the kids were not allowed to be interviewed at all anymore.
Soon thereafter, my spouse and I, along with our 3 children, stopped attending.
Here’s a bishop whose thoughts and probing questions were directed into the underpants of a minor. The mother had forbidden it. The bishop had committed to respect the parental direction. He violated the trust of the parents. He violated the privacy of a 16 year old. He drove a family out of the church.
Youth Interviews? Nope! They’re Masturbation Interviews
It turns out that this practice is super common in the church, at least in the United States. In fact, it may now be a universal practice for all bishops to go verbally probing into the panties of our 12 to 17 year old children. Disgusting!!!
Today, I spoke with a past member of a stake presidency. He said that his stake president instructed the bishops to ask explicit questions when someone confessed a sexual indiscretion. How common is this? I’ve now heard too many stories to think it’s isolated. Do you really want your 16 year old to be asked about her orgasms, her boyfriends orgasms, amount of penetration, and sexual positions? Again despicable instructions from a stake president. All without the knowledge of the parents and behind those damn closed doors, all alone.
Raising Up a Lying Generation
So, what’s a kid to do when she/he is asked a shocking question whose answer could be laden with guilt and shame. Would lying be a strong possibility? This weekend, I asked 43 people if they lied to their bishop during youth interviews. 31 said yes. 75% learned to lie during their masturbation interviews.
Daddy Adult Daughter Talk
A few hours ago, I had this conversation with one of my daughters.
Dad: Were you ever asked inappropriate and uncomfortable questions during your bishop youth interviews?
Daughter: Of course.
Dad: Did you ever lie during those interviews?
Daughter: Yes, but not always.
Daughter: At BYU, the bishop asked very uncomfortable questions the first week of school. I quit going to church. (She only attended BYU for 6 months.)
Dad: Why did you stop going to church?
Daughter: It was too uncomfortable to look at this man after what he had asked me?
This all came as a shock to me. During my 4 years as a student at BYU, I was never asked about masturbation. Just a simple, “Do you keep the law of chastity?”
Lying For Your Mission
Apparently, being masturbation-free is a requirement to receive a mission calling. With all the peer pressure, parental pressure and cultural pressure, would a 17 year old lie in order to pass this requirement? The coercion factors are certainly there. But, I have no data. Only this. A recent mission president in my area is quoted as having said, “If I had to send missionaries home for masturbation, I’d have to send half of the kids home.”
Justification for Masturbation Interviews
Two people have now offered this reasoning, “The ordinances of the church must be protected.”
Really? I’m calling BS and hypocrisy on this one. Last year, there were over 200,000 converts to the church. They entered the sacred waters of baptism. How well did we do at protecting the ordinance of baptism from…..masturbators? We did super poorly. In fact, we did not protect this ordinance one wit. The missionaries DO NOT teach that masturbation is a sin. Why not? Don’t we want to protect the ordinance from people who masturbate? Nope. We want baptisms.
Do we teach people that after their family is baptized, an untrained older man will take their 12 year old daughters behind closed doors and put his thoughts, words and probing questions into her panties? All alone? Without the new converts’ knowledge or permission? Nope. Why not? We want baptisms.
Why the Masturbation Fixation?
When I was a kid, we had youth interviews. Never once did I have a masturbation interview. At BYU, they were bishop interviews. No probing questions into my underwear. When I was bishop, I conducted youth interviews. Never once did I put my thoughts, words or any probing questions into the panties of a young girl.
So, why is it happening today?
We have a scriptural record detailing over 3,000 years of God’s dealings with His children on earth. 3,000 years of prophetic pronouncements, encouragements and warnings. And…3,000 years of…silence…on…masturbation. Total crickets. Old Testament and New Testament—Nope & nope. Book of Mormon—Nope. It’s the most correct book, written for our day and contains the fullness of the gospel. Yet, not a word on masturbation. D&C? That’s a big nope, too. It contains the revelations of the Restoration of all things. Masturbation is so important that God didn’t issue one single word of concern. The Pearl of Great Price? If ever there was to be a pearl of wisdom regarding masturbation interviews it should be in this gem. Nope. A complete home-run of nopes.
But, I haven’t mentioned the most important source of divine counsel and commandment…the words of our Savior. By this point, I’m sure you are aware that even Jesus Christ didn’t associate any shame or guilt with this personal sexual practice.
So where did the church’s masturbation fixation originate?
Here’s a speculation. In the last few years, the church has disavowed and condemned our past racist doctrine, teachings, policies and practices. They were in place for most of the history of our church. Where did they come from? They were simply made up under the influence of the surrounding society. No revelation from God. Just made up by men. So, that’s all I speculate. Our masturbation concerns have been made up by men, heavily influenced by societal norms.
However, society stops way short of shaming a child, alone, behind closed doors. To those outside the church, this practice is revolting. Just as it is to me.
Following Christ’s Example
There are many who are highly critical of me for criticizing a practice found in the church. They say that if I don’t like what the church is doing I ought to leave.
That’s the exact attitude of the religious leaders of Christ’s time. A hallmark of the Savior’s ministry was criticism of His leaders. Often, in very harsh terms. They wanted him to shut up. Ultimately, they did shut him up with execution.
Are we not told to emulate Christ’s example? Of course. This is part of my attempt at discipleship.
421 members have chosen to actively participate in the Law of Common Consent. I urge you to consider it, too. Click HERE for the link to the Common Consent Register.