In LDS voting conferences, we are asked to Sustain or Oppose.  This wording is not found in the Doctrine and Covenants in connection with common consent.  Jesus used very specific words when he instructed Joseph Smith.  In D&C 124:144, the Savior gives a commandment to have the general conference Approve or Disapprove of the matters presented.

Somehow, opposition has become the operative word during sustainings.  My daughter says it’s a loaded word.  I agree.  It’s loaded with a negative connotation that can be easily be interpreted as being against the church, in defiance, in rebellion or even an enemy.

Christ’s words are so much better.  A simple approve or disapprove.  There is a huge difference.  I stand with the church.  But, disapprove of some of it’s policies, practices, major decisions, and teachings.  Expressing disapproval is a right, privilege and responsibility that Christ’s law of common consent bestows upon all members.

I don’t oppose.  I disapprove.  I don’t stand against the church.  I stand with it.

Points of Disapproval

1. Disregard for the Law of Common Consent.  This is a law from God, plainly taught in our scriptures, doctrine and pronouncements by prophets and apostles.  Currently, our top leadership is disobeying this commandment.  And they are leading the entire church to follow that same disobedience.
2. The November 2015 LGBT policy.  If a gay couple gets married a church court is mandatory.  Yet, forcible rape, sexual abuse, and deliberate abandonment of family responsibilities do not automatically trigger church discipline.  What kind of a message does that send.  Forcible rape…maybe discipline is due.  Legal and lawful gay marriage…you’re out here.  Children of gay couples, married or not, are excluded from the most important blessings of the church.  !!!Children!!!  No baptism.  No priesthood.  No youth leadership.  No youth temple trips.  NO HOLY GHOST.
3. Twelve month waiting penalty if marriages don’t take place in the temple.  This penalty only applies in the U.S. and a few other countries.  As a result, much hearbreak and hurt happens as parents suffer the humiliation of by being excluded from their children’s  weddings.  In most of the world, marriages are held outside of the temple, allowing all to celebrate this great event.  Then the sealing takes place a few days later in the temple.
4. The humiliating process for a divorced woman to obtain a Sealing Cancellation.
5. The inability for divorced men to obtain a sealing cancellation.
6. The teaching/doctrine that the prophet can’t lead us astray.  I don’t even know what this is.  It’s not in the scriptures.  Is it a policy?  Is it revelation?  Is it doctrine?  Are they simply the words of a man who was trying his darndest to get rid of polygamy?  Whatever this statement is, I view it as one of the worst and most dangerous elements of our church culture.
7. Interviews with children, alone, behind closed doors, with an untrained older man about masturbation & other sexual matters without the explicit knowledge and consent of the parents.
8. Nondisclosure of Financial dealings.  Our finances were open for members’ scrutiny until the 1950’s.
9. Meddling in politics without presenting the issues for a vote of approval.
10. Keeping secret the policy manuals provided to bishops, stake presidents and seventies.  How can we be expected to approve our own policies if they are hidden from us?  Why is the church governed with secret statutes unavailable to its membership?
11. Keeping secret the ordinance of the Second Anointing and that it is taking place today in our temples.  What is this ordinance?  How does one qualify for it?  Why is it not open to all?  What does this ordinance mean for those receiving it?
12. The use of the wording: Sustain or Oppose.  The words of Christ should be used: Approve or disapprove.

Consider Voting in Disapproval April 1st

1. When the disapproval vote is called for, raise your hand…in your home, in the church or at conference.
2. Send an e-mail to your bishop and stake president informing them of your vote.
3. If so inclined, record your name on the Common Consent Register.  At this moment, 330 members have publicly registered their disapproval.

It’s that simple.

Final Thoughts

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

“If not me, who?  If not now, when?“

Important Resources

• Do We Love Jesus Enough to vote our Disapproval?, click HERE.
• Common Consent Scriptures & Doctrine, and Prophetic Statements, click HERE.
• Common Consent Register—A Record of Those Who Disapprove, click HERE.
• List of who is voting in Disapproval, click HERE.
• Email notifications that can be sent to Bishops and Stake Presidents, click HERE.
• The Only True Hope for The Only True Church, click HERE.
• If I Don’t Dissent…I Consent, click HERE.

*Acknowledgement.  The picture shows three members who voted Disapproval in the November 2015 General Conference.

I have a good friend of many years.  He and his family have not been to church in a long time.  Our friendship began a few months after his disaffection, maybe a decade ago.

One time we talked about why he was not active.  “I have some concerns with my bishop.”  He didn’t elaborate.  I didn’t pry.

I hadn’t talked with him in maybe a year.  Out of the blue, he called a few days ago to chat.  How timely.  Later that day I was planning to release my Walrus post.  So, I was feeling really chatty.  A meeting was arranged.  I shared my faith journey.  His eyes were wide with riveted attention.  My experience was totally unexpected and shocking.  But, I believe it was a pleasant shock.

He said, “Sam, I think you can now understand me.  I’m going to tell you why I quit going to church.”

Here’s his story.  The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

As you  know, I didn’t grow up in the church.  I’m an adult convert.  After my baptism, my wife and I weren’t terribly active.  At some point, we decided that church would be good for the children.  We searched out the local ward.  Made our first visit.  Met the bishop.  Right off the bat, Jeni (his wife) and I were called into the nursery.  I was not excited about taking care of other people’s kids.  Our youngest had just entered the young men’s program.  Never-the-less, we accepted.  

One day Jeff (his youngest) told me that he had an interview scheduled with the bishop.  He was extremely nervous.  I reassured him that I’d be right outside the bishop’s office.  If he became uncomfortable at all, he could just come get me.  Of course, I wasn’t worried in the least.  After all, he was going to have a talk with the spiritual leader of the congregation.

My Jeffie entered.  The door was closed.  I waited.  Within a few minutes the bishop’s door opened.  My flustered son rushed to my side.  “Dad, he asked if I have ever had sex with another boy.  Then he asked if I masturbated.”

I was livid.  No one has a right to interrogate my child in this way.  I confronted the bishop.  Leaned over his desk and shouted, “If you ever ask those questions to my kids again, I’ll beat you to a pulp.”  I walked out the chapel door and never returned.

A Dangerous Culture

Until the past couple of years, I was not aware that this practice had become common—for bishops to ask 12 to 18 year old children about masturbation.  Just envision it.  An untrained older man taking a 12 year old girl, behind closed doors, without the parents’ knowledge or permission and asking, “Do you touch yourself down there?”  Maybe that sounds perfectly natural and acceptable to you.  If it does…good luck with that.

For those of you who are NOT ok with turning children over to an adult male, with no training, to be taken into a private, closed room to be quizzed about sexual matters…starting at 12…please continue reading.

In my growing up years, never once was I asked these types of probing & inappropriate questions by any church leader.  My wife was never asked either.  I served as bishop for over 5 years.  Thankfully, I never asked one single kid about touching his or her privates.  It never entered my mind.  Hopefully, I would have recoiled at the idea if I’d been directed to do so by the higher ups.

Why would it be dangerous for your child to be quizzed about masturbation by an older man, in a private closed room without your authorization?  And remember, he has no training.  Do I really have to elaborate?  Society in general recognizes this as risky, unsafe, and unhealthy.  We should recognize it as…unholy.  Heaven forbid that we have a sexual predator in priesthood leadership.  It’s rare.  But, it has happened many times in the church.  Why risk it?….Don’t!!

There’s another big danger.  This practice grooms children for the sexual predators lurking in the real world.  Our child is trained that it’s OK for a trusted  older man, in a white shirt and tie, to talk to her in private about her private parts.  This is an unnecessary, gross, and hazardous practice.

What To Do

1. Don’t let your child be interviewed without your permission.
2. Be present, in the closed door room, during the interview.
3. Inform your bishop of your conditions for youth interviews.  You are to be present. No discussion about masturbation or other sexual matters.  That is to be between you and your child ONLY.
4. Inform your child that they are to let you know whenever any church leader requests a meeting with them.
5. If inappropriate questions are asked, stop the interview immediately.

To My Children

I know that this may sound uncomfortable.  Your children, my grandchildren, are more precious than a little discomfort with church leaders who may not understand.

Stand up for your kids.  They will be in your life for the rest of your life.  The leaders won’t.  Eventually, the bullet points above will be adopted by our church culture, just as they have been adopted by society in general.  Until then, don’t take what appears to be innocent risks.  They are dangerous risks.

P.S.

My good friend gave me permission to share this story.  He read the entire post and approved it.  For various reasons, his name is not being shared.  However, he extended this invitation.  “If anyone would like to ask me any questions, send them my way.  I’ll chat with them on the porch over a cold drink.”

I consider this man a real hero of a dad.  Standing up for his child.  Consider this comment I received today:

“Reading that story about your friend made me so angry at the church, but it also made me so happy that the young man in the story had the confidence to walk out to his dad as soon as the interview went in that direction. What a great example of good parenting. The father told his son to come out if he felt uncomfortable, and the young man did just that, even though he was in the presence of an “authoritative” figure. He was clearly raised well. I hope that I can raise my daughter to be confident and wise like that.”

After my recent announcement, several friends have asked, “Do you still  plan to travel to SLC and vote opposed at April General Conference?

I’ll let you draw your own conclusion.

Yesterday, I received this message.

I’ve read several of your blog articles and they are deeply moving.

I’m pretty sure you will not change the church, I’m afraid this church is beyond redemption. But I also know that you will save lives. That somewhere a boy or a girl stuck in the church will be able to overcome self-loathing and suicidal thoughts. That somewhere a father will not reject his son. That more and more people will start to question their behavior towards gays. Because of your dissent, and the dissent of people you have inspired. And for this, yes, all your efforts are meaningful, even if the church never changes.

I know it because I was once a gay teenager in this church. Those years were awful years of self-loathing, despair and loneliness. I was constantly reminded that I was broken and evil by everyone around me, and seriously contemplating suicide. It would have meant a lot to me if someone in the church had dissented by voicing his concerns about these ill-teachings, and his support of gay people (or even only by carrying a rainbow ribbon). Nobody did.

So I thank you for your dissent, in the name of the young boy I was, and in the name of all people suffering in silence in this church.

I’ve never done this before…highlight someone else’s podcast.

This one touched and encouraged me.  It’s from a group called A Thoughtful Faith.  They produce podcasts which appeal to Mormons who are active, want to stay active,  but may have concerns regarding the church.  I was particularly intrigued by the 64 dollar question at the end…”Is the church worth saving?”

The podcast features Gina Colvin interviewing Josh and Ron Madson.

In the comments below, I think you’ll see why I liked this so much.

Links

For the actual podcast click HERE.

For the website click HERE.  It gives details about the participants and about A Thoughtful Faith.

My Comments

Gina, Josh & Ron…Thanks for this wonderful podcast. I listened to it 3 times over!!! It was informative and insightful. Highly validating of what I’ve been thinking. I also found it full of opportunity. The opportunity to step up to the plate of Common Consent. Here’s what I heard. Sorry if I get some of your names wrong.

Josh: “I don’t know if we can change? Moving everything from local to general. Most of the things local members used to have to make changes have been wrested from them.” Sam: They didn’t wrest all things. We are actually the ones who have ceded common consent. But, that we can easily take back. It just waiting for our action.

Ron: “Something must die so that something can live.” Sam: Something must first come to life…common consent, before something will die…our reliance on central control to dictate all policies and practices.

Josh: “Change will have to come from the margins. From the bottom up. It will involve people questioning authority. Until those things are challenged we will always be under the thumb of central rule and we’ll continue to have to take marching orders.” Sam: Doesn’t this just scream common consent? that is the bottom up method that Jesus himself established.

Gina: “It needs people to put on the brake and say, “Whoa…hold on. I didn’t sign up for this kind of corporatized Christianity.” Sam: That’s exactly what common consent expresses. By simply voting to sustain we are saying, “Whoa…hold on…you have my approval to continue to do anything you darn well please.”

Ron: “More than anything the church needs more and more Samuels, people from the margins challenging it. We need Samuels and others from the margins to keep us in check.” Sam: OK…I’m not a Lamanite. But, I am a Samuel. At present, I’m the only one on the wall calling for Common Consent. You are right. We need more & more Samuels on the wall. Come join me. What would happen if Gina, Josh and Ron climbed up on Samuel’s wall and encouraged compliance to the law of Jesus Christ…the law of common consent? Here’s what would happen…a few more Samuels would appear…and then a few more…then a lot more…

Gina: “Wouldn’t it be nice to have Samuel the Lamanite to give us some direction.” Sam: Ditto my comments above. Come be a Samuel on the wall. After all, during my faith transition, YOU, Gina, had a great influence on my decision to stay with the church.

Ron: “We need a wake up call.” Sam: Exactly right. A wake up to OUR responsibility. It’s OUR responsibility to exercise our god-given right, & privilege of common consent. But, who is going to make that wake up call? How about you 3 along with little ol’ me? At present there are 321 members who have put their names on the register of Common Consent as being opposed to various policies that have yet to be presented for the required vote. What is needed is more members at the forefront leading the charge.

Ron: “I’ve never had a faith crisis. The church has a truth crisis.” Sam: The entire membership is going through a responsibility crisis. No one is stepping up to their duty. “All things MUST be done in the church by common consent.” That’s us. Jesus is talking about our vital responsibility in church governance. We are shirking it very badly.

Finally, Gina posed the ultimate question which goes something like this: ‘Is the church, as it’s currently organized, worth saving?’ Here’s my answer—YES!!! There is so much good in and about the church. However, I would add another question, “Is the church, as it’s currently practiced, worth saving? Nope!!! At least not for me. And…not for the boatloads of members who have left and will continue to leave. The church is organized with common consent as a powerful principle. But, it’s practiced as an essential that has been eviscerated. We need to eviscerate our complacency to this essential law.

So there it is. We have tons of complaints. The solution is embedded in our founding, canonized documents. The key is hidden in plain sight. We all see it. A commandment calling out for our courageous embrace.

Thanks again for this wonderful podcast. Ya’ll are awesome.