Month: May 2017

Yep…I’m Hep….on Jesus

img_0157Query

Today, a good and close friend posed the following question:  “Some time ago, you expressed doubt about the divinity of Jesus – if he is not who he said he was – why are you so hep on following Jesus??

Reply

My Dear Friend,

Thanks for your question.  A great question.  Three years ago, I started to discover that I’d been deceived, lied to, and told half truths.  Many of the teachings, doctrines, and practices foisted on me by previous prophets have now been CONDEMNED by current prophets.  What we now disavow, for 63 years I believed to be true.

Almost everyday of my mission, I taught falsehoods given to me by the church. These falsehoods are no longer taught.  But, they were core to my teaching as a full time missionary.  The church now recognizes them as falsehoods.

When I found all this out, my reaction was anger. My free agency had been stripped from me, from childhood on, by the very apostles and prophets I had complete trust in.  Many members don’t really care that the prophets taught falsehoods or offered up half truths and deceptions.  Why it doesn’t bother them, I can’t really fathom.  I can only speak for myself. Claiming to speak for God and then to present me with falsehoods, does not and cannot sit well with me.

Early on in my faith journey, I found out that discussing questions, doubts and differing conclusions is shunned in the church. How would I have ever known this in advance?  That it’s not acceptable to talk about our own history and doctrine at church or with church members or with family.  Our culture and our leaders forbid it.  And…therein lies a glaring problem with the truth claims of the LDS church. Truth can stand up to questions, to examination, to challenge.  It’s the opposite of truth that prohibits examination.

Once I had done my research on Mormon history and doctrine, I turned my attention to Christianity in general. After months of study, I found that the Bible and Christianity have every bit as many problems as Mormonism.

So what to do?  After much consideration I came back to my roots….Jesus Christ.  I had been burned by my blind belief in anything that was fed to me by the church and it’s leaders.  I wasn’t going to be burned again.  Like everything else in life, I now only place my faith in what I have good evidence for.

Personally, I don’t have adequate evidence that Christ was in fact the Son of God. I simply don’t KNOW.  But….there IS something that I DO know.  I have lived 64 years on this planet. I’ve learned a lot. Still have a lot to learn. And, I hope to keep learning.  One of the most important lessons I have learned is that the teachings and example ascribed to Christ are a good way to live life.

Back to your question, “If Jesus is not who he said he was – why am I so hep on following Jesus??” I’m ‘hep’ on following the teachings and example ascribed to Christ because my lived experiences tell me this is a true way to navigate our short mortality.

Some say that these are universal adages, not limited to Christianity or even religion. My response is, “Well looky there!  The ultimate evidence of truth.   Pretty much every human being eventually reaches the conclusion that the principles Christ taught are a good way to live.”

So, even though I don’t KNOW that Christ was divine, my choice is to attempt to follow the teachings and example ascribed to Christ….because I know it’s a good and fulfilling way to go.  And……it’s HEP.

Pray the Gay Away

JesusPrayGay

Mormons Are Good

Members of the Mormon church are a good, loving and brave people.  Brave enough to stand up to dangerous and distorted teachings.  Strong enough to put their foot down even when these dangers are found in their own church—I hope!

Outdated, Harmful and Dangerous Counsel

For decades, the cardinal counsel doled to our gay kids was to ‘Pray the Gay Away.’  This admonition was given by bishops, stake presidents and parents.  It was sanctioned by the apostles and prophets.

As it turns out, this is the worst possible prescription to give these vulnerable children.  Born out by research, science and the lived experience of my very closest friends, it is now recognized that this approach doesn’t work.  It has never worked.  The gay child prays and prays and prays.  No answer, no answer, no answer.  Eventually, depression descends.  The child assumes he must be wicked and worthless in the eyes of God because Deity doesn’t answer the poor kid’s prayers.  A promise made by his trusted priesthood leaders.

I realize that this ill advised counsel was given in ignorance.  We are no longer ignorant.  So, this counsel should never be given, again.  Unless, we really do hate our gay kids.  And want them depressed, dejected and suicidal.  Of course, we don’t want that…I hope!

Not Dead Yet

I thought ‘Pray the Gay Away’ had died a merciful death in the church corridors.  Apparently it hasn’t.

Today, I became aware of a young gay man who was told to get help from a counselor to essentially ‘Pray the Gay Away.’  He was also informed that he can never be happy on “this path.”   Fortunately, the young man has adopted a healthy attitude: “There’s nothing I need to fix.  I was born this way, and for me that’s ok.  I’m happy I was born gay.”

Wow!  Right on, my young friend.  There is nothing to fix.  You were born just the way God created you.

A Call to Courageous Mormons

Core to Christ’s teaching and example is looking out for the “least of these.”  Gay people are not lesser in any way.  But for my entire life, we have treated them as a lower form, far below us.  This proclivity is still prevalent in our LDS culture.

What would Jesus do if he were here?  You know what he would do…I hope.

So, where are the brave members who will stand up to the deleterious directive to ‘Pray the Gay Away?’  It’s time that it die, never to be resurrected again.

  • Eliminate the dreadfully detrimental ‘Pray the Gay Away’
  • Stand up and speak out.
  • Don’t remain silent.
  • Let your leaders know that this counsel must go.
  • Let your friends know that this counsel must go.
  • Protect our kids from depression & suicide risk

Talkeria Takes a Turn

IMG_0183

Talkeria #25

Thursday, May 18, 2017, 7:00pm. Location: James Coney Island, 11940 S.W. Frwy., Stafford, TX.

The Talkeria Turns

My faith journey is now 3 years old.  In February 2016, I made the fateful decision to follow the teachings and example of Christ in the Church of Jesus Christ.  Over the intervening months, I have come to several realizations.  As a result, I’m taking a major turn in direction.

There have been two intentions behind the my blogs, the Talkeria, and the voting opposed initiatives.  #1:  To help the church.  #2:  To help people.  I’ve decided to drop #1 and advance #2 to #1.  The Good Ship Zion leaves a plenitude of damage in it’s wake.  Damage to real live human beings.  I’m turning away from helping the corporate church and turning exclusively toward helping those being beaten up by the boat.

I’ve discovered a new spiritual experience.  A spirituality that is satisfying and long lasting.  It’s certainly much easier to access than my old paradigm of being touched by the Spirit.  And this is it…simply connecting with people through understanding, empathy and validation…without judgment.

Please Come If You Need a SAFE PLACE to….

  • Discuss Mormon questions
  • Discuss Mormon doubts
  • Talk about your faith journey
  • Listen to other’s stories
  • Vent
  • Express anger
  • Express sadness
  • Explore new conclusions
  • Discuss gender questions and challenges
  • Discuss family difficulties resulting from a faith transition
  • Etc…etc…etc

Anyone is welcome regardless of where they fall on the believing/non-believing spectrum.

For the history of the Mormon Talkeria click HERE.

P.S.  I love the amazing people who have come to talk in past Talkerias.  I wish you Godspeed on your journey.

P.S.S.  Many experience great pain and turmoil during and after a faith transition.  I’ve often heard it described as gut-wrenching, excruciating and lonely.  Today, a reader shared the bit of wisdom below.  Sounds like a great maxim for the Talkeria.

“You’re not a victim for sharing your story.  You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth.  And you never know who needs your light, your warmth and raging courage.”

 

 

Honesty is an Admirable Quality–Not!

 

IMG_0182Delightful Mother’s Day.  Church.  A leisurely drive to Surfside beach–a popular place on a holiday Sunday.  Then to historic Galveston for an hour long stroll, followed by lunch.  The weather was amazing.  Temperature perfect.  The steady breeze refreshing.

When we arrived home, my daughter was watching “Anne of Green Gables.”  My wife settled in for a nap.  I plopped down with a bowl of ice cream next to my daughter.  Within 30 minutes, I’m blubbering like a baby.  The drama was heart wrenching and heart warming at the same time.

Then this.  Marilla asks young Anne for forgiveness.  She had mistakenly accused the vulnerable orphan of theft.  “Please forgive me.  Now I know you are honest.  And honesty is an admirable quality.”  I was already having great difficulty controlling my emotions.  The statement “honesty is an admirable quality” brought a new wave of sobs.

You see, over the past couple of years I have found out that honesty is NOT always admirable.  Not when it comes to the Mormon religion.  My religion.  Silence and just going along are viewed as admirable.  Honest examination and discussion of truth is not admirable.  In fact, it is forbidden and not condoned in the church.  Honest dialogue is dangerous to family relationships and friendships.  Don’t ask, don’t tell are the best bywords.  Honesty is not admirable.

Some people have told me that you can discuss any of our church’s history and doctrine without any problems.  Those “some people” obviously don’t live in my ward or stake.  They are not members of my family, nor in my circle of friends.  In fact, I hear from people all over the world who have stumbled upon the same discovery as me.  Honesty is not admirable if you question, doubt or reach new conclusions.  Being honest and open is perilous.  Families have been and continue to be ripped apart.

Dear Marilla Cuthbert, your wisdom is so needed in my church.

Better Dead Clean, Than Alive Unclean

Prodigal Son

Genesis

Time:  April 1942.  World War II was wreaking death and havoc around the globe.

Place:    The tabernacle on Temple Square, Salt Lake City, Utah.

Occasion:  April General Conference of the Mormon Church.

Message:  An official statement from First Presidency regarding sexual purity:                                               Better dead clean, than alive unclean.

Drilling and Instilling

Now, it was an official slogan of the church.  It would soon be reinforced through publication in the Improvement Era.  The article was entitled “Be Ye Clean.”  It quoted the First Presidency’s message word for word:  Better dead clean, than alive unclean.

This prophetic motto would then be drilled into the minds of the youth.  It was adopted by the MIA, where it was memorized and repeated at their weekly meetings.  Just imagine our children, aged 12 to 18, standing-up in a meeting, every week and rehearsing the phrase, Better dead clean, than alive unclean.  Better dead clean, than alive unclean.  Better dead clean, than alive unclean.  Actually, they would only recite it once each week.  That adds up to 52 times a year.  Three hundred times over the course of their adolescent and teen years.

Harold B. Lee was an apostle all during my growing up years and the prophet during my mission.  He drove this mantra home by saying:

“May I remind you of what our youth repeated some years ago as a slogan in the MIA…. How glorious and near to the angels is youth that is clean. This youth has joy unspeakable here and eternal happiness hereafter. Sexual purity is youth’s most precious possession. It is the foundation of all righteousness.  Better dead clean, than alive unclean.“

In 1979, less than 1 year after I was married, Elder Marion G. Romney amplified this now well known teaching.   You can listen to his April General Conference talk HERE.  At the time, he was serving as the first counselor in the First Presidency.

To Everything There Is A Season…

A time to avow, a time to disavow.  A time to confirm, a time to condemn.

For 130 years, prophets officially avowed and confirmed that black people were cursed.  As of 3 years ago, our prophets now disavow and condemn our past racism, racist practices and racist policies.

Today, I’m following suit.  I disavow and condemn the official statement, Better dead clean, than alive unclean.”

I want my children and grandchildren to know that they are precious and valued regardless of their choices.  They are better alive….period!!!

May my loved ones remember Christ’s beautiful parable of the Prodigal Son.  Can you imagine the father in the story saying, Better dead clean, than alive unclean?  Nope.  The whole point of the story was the polar opposite.

P.S.

Oh, the irony that this official statement was made as we were sending our children to war.  We sent then off with this:  God would prefer you to die in harms way, than to have a roll in the hay.

Happy 12th Birthday! Now, Let Me Ask….

BirthdayPrincess

….Do You Masturbate?

What kind of a sick and twisted birthday question is that for a 12 year old kid?

What kind…you ask?  Why it’s the birthday present that is given to our children every year in the only true and living church.  The Mormon church.  My church.  And I’m ashamed of it.

We don’t stop there.  Half birthdays are also celebrated with the very same gift.

Happy birthday!  It’s that wonderful time again.  Time to be isolated in a small room, alone, except for an older man, behind closed doors.

Happy, birthday!  Do you masturbate?

Happy, happy birthday!!  Oh, you don’t know what that means?  Let me explain.

Happy, happy, happy birthday!!!  Do you touch yourself down there?

Happy, happy, happy, happy birthday!  Oh, where’s down there?  I mean down there, right between your legs.

So…You Don’t Believe This is Happening to Our Kids?

The church has changed in many ways since I grew up.  As a youth, never once was I asked about masturbation by a bishop, stake president, or their counselors.  Never once during my 5 years as bishop did I ask any kids or adults if they engaged in masturbation

Two months ago, I asked one of my youngest daughters if this question had ever been asked during her youth interviews.  “All the time.”  Crap!  I had no idea.

Last year, a good friend of the family sat in on her 12 year old daughter’s youth interview.  She had given instructions to the bishop that no interview should be conducted alone with her child.  And…that masturbation was not to be discussed.  The meeting went fine until…”When you view media, do you touch yourself down there?”  Mom terminated the interview.  Her little girl was left confused about the question.

Last year I asked my local ward and stake leaders if they queried kids about masturbation.  I couldn’t get a straight answer.

Real Life Happy-Birthday-Interview Stories

Listen and see if you want your children to have these experiences.  Read and see if you are proud of our LDS masturbation meetings.

Our interview practices do damage to both boys and girls.  I’m not an expert, but after discussing with lot’s of folks, I’d say the harm is actually more severe with our daughters.

Girl:

I was kind of surprised and extremely self conscious.  Masturbation was never really emphasized with girls.  Somehow it never occurred to me that I wasn’t supposed to  do it until this old dude, I barely knew, asked me about it at my birthday interview.  So, of course, I lied.

Girl:

I still remember being as young as 10 and being challenged by a bishop about masturbation. I believe, till this day, that those conversations are borderline sexual assault. What bothers me most is a bishop, unsolicited, would go on to explain masturbation to me.

Boy:

I was asked about it as I graduated from primary.  He asked about girls, etc.  I had no experience and remember being confused at the questions.  After that, I avoided interviews like the plague.

Girl:

I lived in a very conservative Mormon bubble.  When I was 16, my bishop, who just so happened to be my uncle, called me in for an interview.  I was dating a boy from another ward and I think he wanted to make sure we were keeping things rated PG.  He asked me straight out about masturbation.  I was so naive at the time that I thought only boys could masturbate.  I did’t know girls could.  When he questioned me about it, I was mortified!  Did he think I knew about my boyfriend’s private time?  He laughed.  He actually laughed and said I should stop pretending that I hadn’t touched my self “down there.”  Again, I really did not know I could!  I didn’t know how or where or anything about it!  He didn’t believe me, kept pushing for information and started getting graphic!!!  So, I cried.  I think he realized I was being honest and stopped the conversation abruptly.  He didn’t apologize for anything and told me to not go exploring on myself.  I never told my parents this, since my dad was the stake president and was never home.  This man was my uncle and would be over at my house with his family every Sunday for dinner and our families would vacation together.  I refused to accept any more interviews with him.  Crazy stuff, huh.  (Sam:  Nope, it’s not crazy stuff.  It’s sick and twisted stuff.)

My oldest daughter is about to turn 12 and the last thing I want is to have her mind filled with shame and guilt and go through “worthiness” interviews like mine.

Girl:

When I was 12, I was pulled into the Bishop’s office during mutual and asked all kinds of sexual questions, very detailed questions.  He also asked me about all my beehive friends, and if I knew if they were doing anything immoral.  I later found out that there was a rumor that the beehive class was sexually active, and he was going to find out the truth.  I am still traumatized from that experience.  If only I could go back in time.

I should also add that he cried the entire time he was asking me those questions.  Imagine a grown man with tears streaming down his face, asking a 12 year old girl if she’s ever touched a penis.  It’s actually pretty comical thinking about it.  (Sam:  It’s inexcusable, tragic, super dangerous and should never be allowed to happen!!!)

Girl:

I was asked by my stake president when I was in 8th grade and doing baptisms for the dead with my cousins.  It was a small Mormon town.  He was also my 8th grade history & English teacher, and principal of my intermediate school.  I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I knew enough to be mortified.  An older, more worldly cousin warned me to say “no” to anything he asked.  Overall, it was a traumatic experience.  I couldn’t bear to look him in the eye or even answer a question in class after that.

Boy:

Never remember being asked about it.  I was always the one who brought it up.  My Bishop, when I was like 16, said, “Ummmm, I wouldn’t worry about it.  I don’t think it will keep you out of the Celestial Kingdom.  I think it was a great attitude.  Sadly, I didn’t believe him and went on to torture myself with shame.

Girl:

My experience with a bishop wasn’t asking about masturbation, but me confessing on my 16th birthday. I waited knowing I would be called I’m for an interview. I was a scared 16 yr old telling a man about masturbation. He requested I not partake of the sacrament.

We got a new bishop a couple Sundays later and I had to talk about it all again with the new bishop, except for this time around, he called me in one Tuesday night and said he talked to the stake president and he needed to know if when I masturbated, I stuck my fingers inside. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. During my transition I tried to think of anything that happened to me personally, and it came to me… that was none of his business. What does it matter to him? As a 16 yr old, I was trying to be obedient. (Sam: This is so horrid. Why would any parent risk such abusive treatment of their precious child? I am so sorry.)

Girl:

I was DEFINITELY asked about masturbation.  This is a major trauma from my adolescent age.  I felt guilty ALL…THE…TIME.  Like there was something really wrong with me cause I couldn’t stop the urges.  So frustrating to even think about now.  Just ridiculous.

Girl:

Masturbation shame is a reason behind suicides in the church.  Mark my words.  Nobody talks about it, but it’s true.

Girl:

Sadly, so many of us have a story to tell.  I’ve wondered many times what my teens and 20s would have been like without the heavy burden of guilt and shame I carried thanks to several bishops who may as well have had revolving doors to their offices.  Shame on them for their lack of spiritual sensitivity and discernment.  I developed an eating disorder in my teens as a way of coping with the pent-up sexual energy in my body.  The bingeing/purging ended when my eyes were open to the TRUTH at age thirty.  I sure wish someone would have tried to enlighten me sooner.  It would have made all the difference for me.  Thank you, Sam, for your boldness and courage in bringing attention to these matters.  (Sam:  Thank you my friend for sharing your story.  I was never asked about masturbation as a kid.  You should never have been asked either.  So sorry about that.)

Boy:

My stake president asked me, “Are you viewing anything in connection with masturbation?  I said, “Well, we have cable television.”  Then he told me, “If you do not overcome this, the day will come when you will not be worth a damn…to anyone.”  I already felt embarrassment and shame over this.  I  kind of suppressed the horrible feelings from his words.  But, this anger is now finally coming out years later.  For a certain kind of personality type, a statement like that could drive someone to suicide.

Girl:

I enjoyed “self love” all throughout my childhood without knowing what I was doing exactly.  As a pre-teen, I started to worry that something was wrong with me because in seminary and Sunday School I would hear references to “touching yourself.”  But, it was only directed towards the boys, not the girls.  I thought maybe something was wrong with my anatomy!  They wouldn’t even acknowledge that it was a pleasure girls could feel, all be it wrong and everything.

Then, a few years later in young women’s, a leader addressed the issue and told us that it was a sin you could not repent of unless you confessed to your bishop.  I learned that same in seminary.  I felt so horrible and for about a year I tried to stop.  I finally got the courage to call my bishop.  As a 16 year old girl, I drove myself to meet with an older man and talk about my sexuality.  So messed up.  He handled it well, but the whole situation was terrible.  I left feeling like I was the only girl to have ever confessed such a terrible sin.  Still to this day, when I see him I feel so much shame and awkwardness.

Of course, I couldn’t keep from doing the deed forever.  So, when I dreaded visiting him again, I talked to my mom.  She told me I didn’t need to confess next time and it was OK.  WHY DID SHE WAIT?!!!  She could have saved me from so much guilt and shame..Let alone putting myself in a very dangerous situation.

Now as an adult I’m so grateful I masturbated.  It means I knew what an orgasm felt like before getting married.  I could expect to feel pleasure from my husband and let him know what I liked!  I told all my married friends to figure it out before they got married.  Women should be proud of their pleasure and embrace every chance they can get to feel an orgasm.  It doesn’t always come easy for us!

When I think back to that experience in high school, I’m angry at a lot of people.  Especially my mom.  How could she have not been more concerned when she found out that I had met in secret with an older man?!  And discussed these things?  It’s so backwards.  (Sam:  I cried when at your question, Why did she wait?)

Mom About Her Son:

My Older son always talks about how much he hated those question.  I know a lot of kids feel really shamed by them.  I know a lot of adult members have stilted sex lives because sexual pleasure is made to sound so shameful.  It’s a travesty.

Girl:

I was DEFINITELY asked.  This is a major part of trauma from my adolescent age.  I felt guilty ALL…THE…TIME.  Like there was something really wrong with me cause I could stop the urges.  So frustrating to even think about now.  Just ridiculous.

Girl:

When I was in my teens, I actually did masturbate.  I felt like I was a freak of nature and felt so guilty.  So, I went in to “confess.”  I was told by my bishop, a PHD educated man, that if I didn’t stop, I’d turn into a lesbian.  Keep in mind, this was in the 70’s when it was totally NOT ok to be LGBTQ!  The fear and shame affected my hetero sex life and frankly still does.  This from a church led by direct revelation?  Of course, I was told to read “The Miracle of Forgiveness.”

Girl:

I think this is an important conversation that the Church needs to be having.  When I was in Beehives (1980-ish), the YW saw the video “Morality for Youth.”  Then we were all individually interviewed about “necking, petting and masturbation.”  Having figured masturbation out a few years earlier, I was shocked to learn that I was sinning.  I came clean with the bishop, who may have been more surprised than I was.  He gave me a humiliating scolding that I never forgot.  I struggle to be good, but would inevitably slip up.  However, after that first mortifying confession, I never admitted to it again.  I just figured I would cut out the middle man and go straight to God with any necessary repentance.  I felt sometimes guilty for not fessing up, which contributed to an overall feeling of unworthiness that followed me for a long, long time.  Learning that my children were getting drilled about masturbation in their interviews is one of the several things that finally pushed me away from the Church.

Girl:

I had a bishop at Ricks College make me sit next to him during an interview as he told me about HIS masturbation problem.  Masturbation was not the reason I was there.  I was there for getting caught with alcohol.  Maybe he was being nice and trying to relate with me.

Other Posts on This Appalling Practice

Behind Closed Doors–Don’t Let It Happen.  Click HERE.

I’m Going to Leave Before They Get Their Hands on My Baby Daughter.  Click HERE.

“I’m Going to Leave Before They Get Their Hands on My Baby Daughter”

danger

Recently, I was contacted by a struggling member of the church.  Here, I’ll call him Ron. He asked if we could get together for a one-on-one Talkeria.  Over the past year, Ron had been going through a painful and lonely faith transition…and wanted to talk about it.  I still view it as a great tragedy and travesty that there is no safe space inside the church for discussion.  We met for 3 hours.

This good brother has a young toddler.  During our chat, he made this startling statement.  “I’m going to leave the church before they get their hands on my baby daughter.”

I had never heard such a grim and jarring statement describing someone’s reason for getting out.

Mormon Stories #732, Scott Duke

Today, I heard something that made me think of my new friend, Ron.  Over the past couple of days, on the drive to and from work, I listened to a Mormon Stories Podcast.  In it, Scott Duke shares his fascinating and heartrending faith journey.  Heartbreaking on several fronts.

My attention was riveted until Scott shared a grim and jarring statement made by his Stake President.  He was being interviewed for his calling as a missionary.  Of course, masturbation was discussed.   Remember, what follows was said by a man who is viewed as having great authority—the Stake President.  The target of his comment was a young, inexperienced, and normal young man.

The Stake President’s words caught me totally off guard.  “If you don’t overcome this, the day will come when you are not worth a damn to anyone.”

To My Six Children

This Stake President’s chastisement is totally out of bounds.  It has the potential to do great damage.  If this were ever said to a loved one of mine, my retort would be:  “It’s YOU, Mr. Church Leader, who is not worth a damn to me.  Stay away from my child.”

We have a dreadful ritual lurking behind the closed doors in our church buildings.  An untrained man, in a position of authority, takes an innocent child behind those closed doors, alone, without a parent present, without parental permission, and asks the child about his or her masturbatory predilections.  This is a gross and dangerous practice.

Life may be like a box of chocolates.  But, some candies are corrupt and reprehensible. You never know what you are going to get when the door swings shut, isolating your child, alone, with an adult male who may say something idiotic like, “the day will come when you are not worth a damn to anyone.”

Why Are We Waiting?

As the only true church, we should be on the cutting edge of what is good, right and safe.

Fortunately, we jettisoned polygamy when society demanded it.  Mercifully, polyandry never caught on.  Fortuitously, we granted black people the priesthood 10 years after civil rights laws were passed.

Our society has moved beyond grown men asking inappropriate questions to children in private.  I do not know of another church that engages in this unfortunate practice.  I’m ashamed that my church still does.

Why are we waiting for this alarming custom to go away on its own?  It won’t.  I encourage my adult kids, and every other thinking and concerned adult, to end it RIGHT NOW….for your children’s sake.  Especially, for my grandchildren’s sake.

My friend, Ron, has now left the church.  He was not willing to wait for the changes.  His child was too precious to him.

What To Do

  1. Don’t let your child be interviewed without your permission.
  2. Be present, in the closed door room, during the interview.
  3. Inform your bishop of your conditions for youth interviews.  You are to be present. No discussion about masturbation or other sexual matters.  That is to be between you and your child ONLY.
  4. Inform your child that they are to let you know whenever any church leader requests a meeting with them.
  5. If inappropriate questions are asked, stop the interview immediately.

A couple of months ago, I wrote about someone else’s experience regarding their child’s inappropriate interview with a bishop.  It recounts the altogether appropriate response from an involved and loving father.   HERE is the link.