Saturday night–Home alone.
Sunday morning–I lay in bed. Discouraged. Then this thought, “I’m ready to quit. Why go to church? Why get out of bed? My 2 year journey continues in loneliness…yielding little impact.”
I reached to the nightstand. Opened my iPad. A new message from a previously unknown Mormon friend. He’d thoughtfully sent a link to the song below. How did he know I needed it now?
These lyrics highlighted by him:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand
Today–May I, and all, have the courage to step out of our boat of comfort to press the battle God has placed in our path.
Thank you, my new friend.
Tocubit Is Invisible's Cubit 
Beautiful song. I had not heard it before. This is the journey you have chosen, Sam. Do not measure the success or failure of your journey by what journey others take. Sometimes it takes years for others to see what you have garnered from stepping out of your comfort zone. You have chosen a path that fits your life now. This may not be the others path.
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Great point. Thanks Janice!
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Sam, whenever I see you, you are all smiles and seem full of enthusiasm to pursue your Christ-like course. But your blog talks of struggles I don’t perceive when I meet you. I wish I knew how to be a better support. I’d like to be able to at least hand you pebbles when you face your Goliath! But for what it’s worth…
1 – Know that any morning you do *not* want to go to your own ward, you are always welcome to come with me. I’m *not* trying to encourage you away because I don’t think you are ready to give up on the LDS faith. (Even though I’d love to see Thoreau-First UU grow.) But, sometimes a fire fighter needs to walk away from the smoke, catch his breath, take a drink, and maybe eat an apple before he can return to the blaze with more energy.
2 – When I left the LDS for my current UU church, I would sometimes get up on Sunday and decide NOT to go to church for no other reason than because I could. I reveled in that freedom! It took me awhile to sort out my feeling of why I went to church. Sure, I went because I liked to go… but I also went because I thought I was supposed to. I had to skip some Sundays without feeling guilty (something I never could do in the LDS faith) to convince myself that the reason I went was desire, not guilt. Now when I go I know it’s because I truly do want to. I would venture to guess, Sam, that you also go because you desire to. I bet you do in fact find joy and happiness. But it’s hard to separate that from what also seems an up-hill battle. I can’t tell you which of those is greater in your heart, nor how to fasten onto the former. But, I hope you can find a way to do so.
3 – You are doing much more on these issues than I ever did when I was in the LDS church, so far be it from me to advise. However, I would quibble somewhat. I have heard you say nobody cares, and nothing happens. My perception, however, is that few care, and little happens… but there is some glimmer of hope even if ever so little. You care, and you are making things happen… and that is something. And I have seen others respond to you. You may get push back, and you may not get a resounding response from leadership like you wish, and maybe many who do respond are struggling themselves. But isn’t that somewhat like the response Alma got from the Zoramites? Wasn’t it the poor who had been outcast who came and said, “What shall these my brethren do, for they are despised of all…”? And, wasn’t that the start of something grand? So, if you truly do believe, then hang in there and think on D&C 64:33 (Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.)
4 – Sorry for preaching. Heck, I’m a non-believer, so what do I know… but I do know this. I see that you are in fact making a difference. It may not be what you want, but you are having an impact on those around you. I won’t tell you to go fight that Goliath while I’m heading in the other direction… but if you are strapping on the kings armor… well, those are some pebbles from my pouch. Hope they are useful.
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Thank you Garth for your wise counsel. I needed to hear that today.
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Hi Garth,
I’m amazed that it is so often the not-a-believer who encourages those who are struggling in the church. You are a tremendous friend.
Thanks for the pebbles. Pretty much perfect pebbles for my journey.
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In most respects Sam, the success of your fight isn’t going to be measured in organizational efficacy, but in your resolution and determination.
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Thank You. Finally, something in my control.
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