Pray the Gay Away

JesusPrayGay

Mormons Are Good

Members of the Mormon church are a good, loving and brave people. Brave enough to stand up to dangerous and distorted teachings. Strong enough to put their foot down even when these dangers are found in their own church—I hope!

Outdated, Harmful and Dangerous Counsel

For decades, the cardinal counsel doled to our gay kids was to ‘Pray the Gay Away.’ This admonition was given by bishops, stake presidents and parents. It was sanctioned by the apostles and prophets.

As it turns out, this is the worst possible prescription to give these vulnerable children. Born out by research, science and the lived experience of my very closest friends, it is now recognized that this approach doesn’t work. It has never worked. The gay child prays and prays and prays. No answer, no answer, no answer. Eventually, depression descends. The child assumes he must be wicked and worthless in the eyes of God because Deity doesn’t answer the poor kid’s prayers. A promise made by his trusted priesthood leaders.

I realize that this ill advised counsel was given in ignorance. We are no longer ignorant. So, this counsel should never be given, again. Unless, we really do hate our gay kids. And want them depressed, dejected and suicidal. Of course, we don’t want that…I hope!

Not Dead Yet

I thought ‘Pray the Gay Away’ had died a merciful death in the church corridors. Apparently it hasn’t.

Today, I became aware of a young gay man who was told to get help from a counselor to essentially ‘Pray the Gay Away.’ He was also informed that he can never be happy on “this path.” Fortunately, the young man has adopted a healthy attitude: “There’s nothing I need to fix. I was born this way, and for me that’s ok. I’m happy I was born gay.”

Wow! Right on, my young friend. There is nothing to fix. You were born just the way God created you.

A Call to Courageous Mormons

Core to Christ’s teaching and example is looking out for the “least of these.” Gay people are not lesser in any way. But for my entire life, we have treated them as a lower form, far below us. This proclivity is still prevalent in our LDS culture.

What would Jesus do if he were here? You know what he would do…I hope.

So, where are the brave members who will stand up to the deleterious directive to ‘Pray the Gay Away?’ It’s time that it die, never to be resurrected again.

Eliminate the dreadfully detrimental ‘Pray the Gay Away’
Stand up and speak out.
Don’t remain silent.
Let your leaders know that this counsel must go.
Let your friends know that this counsel must go.
Protect our kids from depression & suicide risk

Reparative Therapy–STEELS My Resolve to Obey

Twenty Years of Reparative Therapy

I’ve been stewing on that all afternoon. Finally, decided to blog it.

T….W….E….N….T….Y Y….E….E….E….E….E….E….A….R….S

Heart rending Heart breaking. Heart sickening.

T….W….E…N….T….Y Y….E….E….E….E….E….E….A….R….S

As I pondered what had happened for TWENTY YEARS, my eyes welled up with tears….then outrage.

Lunch with a New Friend

Today, I lunched with a man and his fascinating story. I won’t recount much of it here, except what struck me in the heart.

He’s gay. Just a few years younger than me. Growing up, we were taught that gay people were evil perverts. They chose to be gay and could be cured. We completely believed this line, as it came from the church and its leaders. At 19, he served an honorable mission. Then married. Knowing full well that his attraction to men would subsequently go away. Of course it didn’t.

TWENTY YEARS of reparative therapy followed. Demeaning, disheartening, debasing, depressing…and now discredited. How faithful this man must have been to endure twenty years. How loyal he was to the church and to what it had told him.

My friend survived those TWENTY YEARS. But, he, his wife and his children still bear the scars of two dehumanizing decades.

Outrage

How can any reasonable, compassionate person look upon this without feeling outrage? Reparative therapy was supported, sustained and championed by the LDS church. Its leaders referred both children and adults to endure this dreadful ‘cure.’ It didn’t work. It never worked. In only harmed.

No one spoke out. No one spoke up. We watched and listened. We trusted whatever came from leadership. No one terribly interested in what was happening to gay people. Bad things were happening. All sanctioned by the church that we believed could not err. It errs.

I Will Obey

I have been waffling a bit about continuing to obey the Law of Common Consent. In today’s Mormon culture, it’s uncomfortable and costly to cast a disapproving vote. It’s so much easier to take the cafeteria approach to the commandments and just ignore our role in church governance.

Today’s lunchtime horror has steeled my resolve to continue in obedience to the gorgeous Law of Common Consent.

Things have gone so awry that the current apostles have seen fit to condemn and disavow past practices and teachings. Good for them! Doctrines that were in the church for the vast majority of our history have now been denounced.

Jesus, through Joseph Smith, mandated a self-correcting system for governing the church. If we were to follow and obey Christ, we would get a lot less wrong. We could correct missteps before centuries passed.

We have hurt so many gay people with our discredited theories and practices. The church hasn’t yet condemned and disavowed reparative therapy or even worse ‘treatments.’ Well, I do condemn what we have done to our LGBT brothers and sisters in the past. Especially, after hearing of this man’s TWENTY YEAR subjugation. What we did was outrageous and wrong.

So…I’ve steeled my resolve to obey the Law of Common Consent. There are problems in the church. It’s time that the membership lived up to the responsibility that Jesus has given to us.

Are You Opposed?

If you are a member of the LDS church. If you are opposed to “policies, major decisions and other things that affect the lives of the Saints,” especially, policies that have never seen the light of Common Consent, then consider voting your true opinion and feelings.

Common Consent is the Law of God and the Law of the Church. It’s up to you and me, the common members, to make Common Consent the common rule of Christ’s church.

You have a voice. Consider standing up for what is right. Consider speaking up for those who can’t speak for themselves.

Consider taking the step to publicly register your disapproval on the Register of Common Consent HERE. I’m not alone in living Christ’s law of consent. We are now 311 strong.

Other Resources

Information on LDS.ORG regarding Common Consent, click HERE. Please take note of this paragraph: “Not only are Church officers sustained by common consent, but this same principle operates for policies, major decisions, acceptance of new scripture, and other things that affect the lives of the Saints.”
Scriptural information about Common Consent, click HERE.
Disturbing membership Trends, click HERE.
Do We Love Jesus Enough?, click HERE.
The Only True Hope for The Only True Church, click HERE.
My personal sadness over my friends and family leaving, click HERE.

You’re Not Broken—I’m Sorry

Children’s Apology

Last year, my wife and I traveled to the congenial country of Hungary. We toured The Great Synagogue of Budapest, the largest in Europe. Hungary is still struggling to come to terms with its treatment of their Jewish population during WWII. By war’s end, at least 70% had been murdered.

Our tour guide told us of a recent concert she had attended. It was a singing & dancing group of German high schoolers. At the beginning of the program, a couple of the children stepped forward. They apologized for crimes their country had perpetrated during that long-ago war.

The story touched me. Born years after this horror, these children had had no part in it. They were not official spokespersons for their country. Yet, they were willing to apologize to a people who had been wronged.

Here’s my attempt to follow their poignant example. An official spokesperson for the LDS Church, I’m not. But, I am the church. At least part of the church. At least a single part of the church. And this little part of the church, along with any who will join in my cry say, I am Sorry! We are sorry!

To My Gay Friends, Both Known and Un

For all the ways we’ve been wrong—I’m Sorry.

When I was young, church & culture tutored that gay was foul and perverted. I wish the prophet had spoken. You weren’t broken. We were wrong. I went along. I’m sorry.

You chose to be gay. So the leaders say. I wish the prophet had spoken. You’re not broken. We were wrong. I went along. I’m sorry.

To some, they tried to shock your gay away. At the Lord’s college, you were strapped in a chair, electrodes placed down there. Movies of naked men were turned on. If you were turned on, an electric shock in turn was turned on. You wanted the strongest current to be cured. But, gay doesn’t work in those ways. You were simply tortured in those days. An elder from my mission endured this, in submission. Today, he’s still gay. From the church, he’s parted ways. Oh, how I wish the prophet had spoken. You were not broken. I went along, although I didn’t know. Now, I’m so, so, sorry. Tears blur my eyes. I just want to cry….I’m sorry. I’m sorry

You were told to pray and pray and soon the gay would just go away. Of course it didn’t. You became depressed. Maybe next time pray and pray ALL of the day. Still gay and more depression came your way. With no cure, some couldn’t endure. By their own hand they sent themselves to the heavenly land. I wish the prophet had spoken. These precious people were not broken. We were dead wrong. I went along. I’m sorry.

“Get married,” your respected leaders said! You faithfully followed, while full of dread. Your gay didn’t magically go away. Now, with children and spouse, heartache and shame, you finally came out, and all suffered pain. I wish the prophet had spoken. Now a family’s broken. We were wrong. I went along. I’m sorry.

Finally, something sure, that would result in a cure. You agree to participate in reparative therapy. Humiliated, disgraced, and degraded again. You cry because no matter what you can’t win. Now, this procedure is discredited & thrown in the trash bin. Why couldn’t the prophet have spoken? You were not broken. We were wrong. I went along. I’m sorry.

With Prop 8, we tried to legislate away, the rights to marry if you were gay. I don’t know if the prophet had spoken. What I know is, you are not broken. This was wrong. I went along. I’m sorry.

Last November the edict came. Out of love was the claim. If the gay marry, throw them away. Really? It just sounds wrong. These are my friends. I don’t want to follow along. I’m sorry.

November’s policy also contains what I consider to be a stain. Children of parents who are gay, will have God’s choicest blessings taken away. No baptism at 8, no holy spirit to guide, no priesthood at any rate. With shame, the policy will make kids want to run & hide. Has a prophet really spoken? The rules are broken. We are wrong. This time I will not go along. I’m sorry.

I wish the prophet had spoken. You are not broken. We were wrong. Next time, I will not just go along. I love who you are, just as you are. Of that, I feel very strong.

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Tag: Reparative Therapy