The Illogic of Gay Marriage

Gay-marriage-guys

Thirteen years ago, a gay couple (two men) moved into my neighborhood. We met during a national-night-out held at my home. My wife and I were sitting in lawn chairs set up in the driveway, awaiting whatever visitors might come. Up walks 2 tall, slim and nice looking men, along with two young children. Introductions were made. It quickly became apparent that they were gay. Their children were adopted. It had only been a few days since they had moved in.

At the time, I was still a traditional believing Mormon. I KNEW homosexuality was a sin. One of the absolute worst sins. Maybe worse than murder. Never before had I met a gay couple. I had read about them. I was aware that some even had children. Now, open homosexuals had moved in just a few houses down the street. My first thought was, “How will this affect the value of the neighborhood?” Warily, I put a friendly smile on my face.

As the night transpired, I found these two men to be delightful and normal. At least, as normal as homosexuals could be. It turned out that both my wife and I really enjoyed their company.

At the time, I was serving as the ward mission leader. During my 64 years on this earth, I have served for over 15 years in missionary callings. For those not familiar with the Mormon church, when I speak of anything missionary, I’m referring to proselytizing…recruiting people to join the LDS Church.

Over the next few days, this gay couple and their children were frequently on my mind. I had told them I was Mormon, but hadn’t invited them to church. In their sinful living arrangement, these heads-of-household were not worthy of baptism. I pondered, “Will the church eventually make an accommodation for gay couples to be accepted in our culture.” I mulled over various possibilities of how this might happen.

Finally, I reasoned out a conclusion. It’s the children. Jesus loved the children. Both in the Bible and Book of Mormon. He invited all the children to come unto him. At one point he fussed at His apostles for restricting children from coming to him.

My logic went like this: Jesus will find a way for the children’s sake. If the parents are gay, the only way to reach the children would be to somehow accept the parents. So…I was confident of a coming prophetic declaration on how gay couples were to be accepted into our congregations…for the sake of the children.

Oh…The Illogic of My Reasoning!!!

In November 2015, eleven years after that memorable national-night-out, the prophetic declaration came. If gay couples married, they would be subjected to a mandatory church court. Excommunication was almost certain. And their children….they were immediately excommunicated from the blessings and ordinances of the gospel. No church court required. These innocents were simply and summarily banned from the blessings that were privileged to the children of hetero parents. No baby blessing. No baptism. No gift of the Holy Ghost. No priesthood. No temple attendance.

The children that Christ beckoned were now banned, prohibited, outlawed, censured, forbidden and discriminated against. Vulnerable before. Victimized now. “The least of these” before. Totally excluded now.

Eleven years previous, my logic had spoken. Eleven years later the prophet had spoken.

Eleven years previous, I had a vision of all children accepted by Jesus. Eleven years later, a prophet had a vision of which children were not to be accepted.

Just So You Know

My logic is often flawed. But, in this case my logic and my heart are in agreement. The November 5^th policy is NOT of God.

If the apostles think this policy IS a revelation from God…then put it up for a vote. I have the guts to openly speak out for the marginalized children. They should have the guts to obey the Law of Common Consent. This gorgeous law requires that all revelations be presented and ratified by the rank and file members. Or rejected!!!

How Do I Feel Today About Anyone Who Is Gay?

My opinion has changed….a lot!

I offer this apology for my church’s past wrongs to the LGBT community. And…an apology for my prior support of those wrongs. Click HERE.

We’re all normal. Click HERE.

Information on the Law of Common Consent. Click HERE.

God is in the Dirt

dirt

I loved my Grandpa Jack. He smoked. He drank. He enjoyed his coffee. And….he was perhaps the best Mormon I have ever known. He didn’t go to church. I never really had any long conversation with him. But, I knew the stories. He was a man’s man. Hardworking and generous.

Today, I had a conversation with a Facebook friend. He shared a story about his grandpa. It brought tears as I realized that the character of his grandfather had a lot in common with my Grandpa Jack.

My friend’s name is Ben Jarvis and here’s his grandpa’s story.

Twenty-two years ago, when I was talking to my 84 year-old, hard scrabble grandpa about being gay. He said he didn’t raise his kids or grandkids to be second class citizens. He expected me to fight for my rights, and when that was done, go fight for the rights of others…and to take on the world! He was quite progressive for a man from SLC and the Uintah Basin.

Grandpa was very active in his ward, but he took the church on his own terms and always asserted his individuality and had strong sense of right and wrong. He once clocked the stake president for stealing water out of turn. When the stake president came to, he had a shovel blade on his neck, with my grandfather, then an angry 12-year old, telling him the farm relied on water and he didn’t take kindly to water thieves. That would have been around 1921 or 1922.

In 1991, Gramp and I were working in his garden. He started in on the church and about how some people get caught up in the temple or the idea they need to go somewhere to find God. He then talked about the miracle of life and how he planted seeds that magically grew. “I don’t need to go to the temple to be with God. God is right here in the dirt.” Those were the words of a lifelong farmer.

My family got a lot of things right. I had the good fortune to come out to three of my grandparents; my maternal grandfather passed away before I came out. My parents were big proponents of being honest about who we are, and encouraged LGBT people to come out and be visible. When my nephew learned to speak and began presenting as female, mom and dad, along with my sister, embraced her and accepted her transition. My niece is now five years old. Mom passed away last year, her granddaughter will grow up knowing her nana knew her, loved her, and was thrilled to have her as a granddaughter. We aren’t talking tolerance or tepid accommodation. We are talking about unbridled love, acceptance, and the anticipation of a life filled with adventure, just like any of mom and dad’s other grandchildren.

I still can’t read this story without tearing up at the beauty of this whole family. ‘Fight for your rights and then go fight for the rights of others.’ What an amazing legacy from Grandpa Jarvis. A great man who found God in the dirt.

Ben, thank you, my friend, for sharing.

Savannah & 12 Year Old Mormon Girls

Savannah

I really admire the courage of a 12 year old LDS girl named Savannah. In May, she bore an amazing testimony at church. Last Sunday, I showed this video to my wife and two of my daughters. They all said it was a beautiful testimony. And…that it’s unfortunate she was cut off. They speculated that if this had happened in our ward, she would not have been shut down. The members would have rallied around her in love and support.

We ought to treasure and embrace our gay children!!! All of us!!!

For Savannah’s testimony, click HERE.

So Many Other 12 Year Old Mormons

I cringe at the thought of what will happen tomorrow in Mormon chapels all across the country. Twelve year old girls, like Savannah, will be taken behind closed doors, alone, by an older man. He will proceed to ask the innocent young girl questions of a personal sexual nature, like, “Do you touch yourself down there?” He will have no professional training. He will not have the parents’ permission for his probing questions. Frequently, the parents will have no idea that the inappropriate interview even took place. Often, the 12 year old child will not understand the questions. The man, the only other person behind the closed door, may then give additional graphic details.

Tomorrow, this will not only happen with 12 year old girls, but with 12 year old boys. 13 year old girls. 13 year old boys. 14 year old girls. 14 year old boys. 15 year old girls. 15 year old boys. 16 year old girls. 16 year old boys. And who knows at what age it stops? Or IF it stops? If you are OK with this practice….well, that’s fine with me. They are your children. Every person outside of the church, who I’ve brought this up to, has been horrified. Frankly, I AM TOO. I wish I’d known this was going on with my own 2 youngest children…when it was going on. But, I had no idea. Bad on me.

Behind Closed Doors–Don’t Let it Happen An account of a Mormon dad protecting his child during an inappropriate interview.

Happy 12th Birthday! Let Me Ask, Do You Masturbate? Some members don’t believe this interview practice is actually happening in the church. This post relates numerous accounts.

Pray the Gay Away

JesusPrayGay

Mormons Are Good

Members of the Mormon church are a good, loving and brave people. Brave enough to stand up to dangerous and distorted teachings. Strong enough to put their foot down even when these dangers are found in their own church—I hope!

Outdated, Harmful and Dangerous Counsel

For decades, the cardinal counsel doled to our gay kids was to ‘Pray the Gay Away.’ This admonition was given by bishops, stake presidents and parents. It was sanctioned by the apostles and prophets.

As it turns out, this is the worst possible prescription to give these vulnerable children. Born out by research, science and the lived experience of my very closest friends, it is now recognized that this approach doesn’t work. It has never worked. The gay child prays and prays and prays. No answer, no answer, no answer. Eventually, depression descends. The child assumes he must be wicked and worthless in the eyes of God because Deity doesn’t answer the poor kid’s prayers. A promise made by his trusted priesthood leaders.

I realize that this ill advised counsel was given in ignorance. We are no longer ignorant. So, this counsel should never be given, again. Unless, we really do hate our gay kids. And want them depressed, dejected and suicidal. Of course, we don’t want that…I hope!

Not Dead Yet

I thought ‘Pray the Gay Away’ had died a merciful death in the church corridors. Apparently it hasn’t.

Today, I became aware of a young gay man who was told to get help from a counselor to essentially ‘Pray the Gay Away.’ He was also informed that he can never be happy on “this path.” Fortunately, the young man has adopted a healthy attitude: “There’s nothing I need to fix. I was born this way, and for me that’s ok. I’m happy I was born gay.”

Wow! Right on, my young friend. There is nothing to fix. You were born just the way God created you.

A Call to Courageous Mormons

Core to Christ’s teaching and example is looking out for the “least of these.” Gay people are not lesser in any way. But for my entire life, we have treated them as a lower form, far below us. This proclivity is still prevalent in our LDS culture.

What would Jesus do if he were here? You know what he would do…I hope.

So, where are the brave members who will stand up to the deleterious directive to ‘Pray the Gay Away?’ It’s time that it die, never to be resurrected again.

Eliminate the dreadfully detrimental ‘Pray the Gay Away’
Stand up and speak out.
Don’t remain silent.
Let your leaders know that this counsel must go.
Let your friends know that this counsel must go.
Protect our kids from depression & suicide risk

Suicide Vote

If I Don’t Dissent….I Consent

Well….I don’t consent. No way am I going to dismiss the dreadful suicide rates documented by the CDC. It’s a shame and a stain on my church.

The LGBT policies of the LDS church are, at best, purely temporary. A modern apostle taught us this fact. You can find his words detailed HERE.

These policies are not binding on the church until they are presented for a vote and sustained by the majority. This is a restored principle of the restored church. The prophet Joseph F. Smith testified before the U.S. Congress that this is the way the church functions. His testimony is recorded HERE.

A Driving Force Behind Gay Suicides

I have a friend in Utah County who is an ardent advocate and protector of gay kids. The Provo area can be particularly hard on LGBT as the density of the Mormon faith is so intense there. He explained something I’d never heard before:

“Gay kids are taught that they have to endure this life in complete celibacy. When they eventually die, they will be resurrected with the ‘normal and proper’ heterosexual feelings. In the next world, they will be ‘fixed.’ But…in the meantime, they must endure the next 70 to 80 years with no expression of their gay inclinations. No hand holding. No hugging. No dating. No kissing. No romance. No romantic love. No intimacy. No marriage. No hope for any of this. The ideation then goes something like this. ‘If I will be changed to a normal person after I die, why wait 80 years? Why not end the suffering, the rejection, the hopelessness? I’ve prayed to be changed. It hasn’t worked. But, I know how I can be changed. I have to die.'”

It’s not the gay kids that need to change. It’s the policies, teachings and attitudes of the institution that need to change. They aren’t even real policies. Only temporary!!!

Gay kids need sympathetic support. Not suicidal support. At April’s General Conference, I will exercise my right, privilege and responsibility to vote opposed. If it saves one LBGT youth from suicide…the shunning & temple recommend loss that I endure, will all be well worth it.

Over 45 years ago, I witnessed the beating of a poor innocent mentally challenged kid. Essentially, I consented to his beating by standing on the sidelines and uttering no protest. I have deep, deep regrets, which are recoreded HERE. I’m not going to make another dreadful blunder by standing on the sidelines as suicides soar.

To read a fuller analysis of Utah’s teen suicides and their link to the church’s LGBT policies, this is a great SITE. The author put together the graph above from data provided by the CDC website.

322

Fortunately, I’m not alone. There are now 322 of us living the law of common consent and voting opposed.

Join us.

You can start HERE.

Other Resources

Common Consent Scriptures & Doctrine, click HERE.
Common Consent Register—A Record of Those Who Disapprove, click, HERE.
Email notifications that can be sent to Bishops and Stake Presidents, click HERE.
Do We Love Jesus Enough?, click HERE.
The Only True Hope for The Only True Church, click HERE.
If I Don’t Dissent…I Consent, click HERE.

Reparative Therapy–STEELS My Resolve to Obey

Twenty Years of Reparative Therapy

I’ve been stewing on that all afternoon. Finally, decided to blog it.

T….W….E….N….T….Y Y….E….E….E….E….E….E….A….R….S

Heart rending Heart breaking. Heart sickening.

T….W….E…N….T….Y Y….E….E….E….E….E….E….A….R….S

As I pondered what had happened for TWENTY YEARS, my eyes welled up with tears….then outrage.

Lunch with a New Friend

Today, I lunched with a man and his fascinating story. I won’t recount much of it here, except what struck me in the heart.

He’s gay. Just a few years younger than me. Growing up, we were taught that gay people were evil perverts. They chose to be gay and could be cured. We completely believed this line, as it came from the church and its leaders. At 19, he served an honorable mission. Then married. Knowing full well that his attraction to men would subsequently go away. Of course it didn’t.

TWENTY YEARS of reparative therapy followed. Demeaning, disheartening, debasing, depressing…and now discredited. How faithful this man must have been to endure twenty years. How loyal he was to the church and to what it had told him.

My friend survived those TWENTY YEARS. But, he, his wife and his children still bear the scars of two dehumanizing decades.

Outrage

How can any reasonable, compassionate person look upon this without feeling outrage? Reparative therapy was supported, sustained and championed by the LDS church. Its leaders referred both children and adults to endure this dreadful ‘cure.’ It didn’t work. It never worked. In only harmed.

No one spoke out. No one spoke up. We watched and listened. We trusted whatever came from leadership. No one terribly interested in what was happening to gay people. Bad things were happening. All sanctioned by the church that we believed could not err. It errs.

I Will Obey

I have been waffling a bit about continuing to obey the Law of Common Consent. In today’s Mormon culture, it’s uncomfortable and costly to cast a disapproving vote. It’s so much easier to take the cafeteria approach to the commandments and just ignore our role in church governance.

Today’s lunchtime horror has steeled my resolve to continue in obedience to the gorgeous Law of Common Consent.

Things have gone so awry that the current apostles have seen fit to condemn and disavow past practices and teachings. Good for them! Doctrines that were in the church for the vast majority of our history have now been denounced.

Jesus, through Joseph Smith, mandated a self-correcting system for governing the church. If we were to follow and obey Christ, we would get a lot less wrong. We could correct missteps before centuries passed.

We have hurt so many gay people with our discredited theories and practices. The church hasn’t yet condemned and disavowed reparative therapy or even worse ‘treatments.’ Well, I do condemn what we have done to our LGBT brothers and sisters in the past. Especially, after hearing of this man’s TWENTY YEAR subjugation. What we did was outrageous and wrong.

So…I’ve steeled my resolve to obey the Law of Common Consent. There are problems in the church. It’s time that the membership lived up to the responsibility that Jesus has given to us.

Are You Opposed?

If you are a member of the LDS church. If you are opposed to “policies, major decisions and other things that affect the lives of the Saints,” especially, policies that have never seen the light of Common Consent, then consider voting your true opinion and feelings.

Common Consent is the Law of God and the Law of the Church. It’s up to you and me, the common members, to make Common Consent the common rule of Christ’s church.

You have a voice. Consider standing up for what is right. Consider speaking up for those who can’t speak for themselves.

Consider taking the step to publicly register your disapproval on the Register of Common Consent HERE. I’m not alone in living Christ’s law of consent. We are now 311 strong.

Other Resources

Information on LDS.ORG regarding Common Consent, click HERE. Please take note of this paragraph: “Not only are Church officers sustained by common consent, but this same principle operates for policies, major decisions, acceptance of new scripture, and other things that affect the lives of the Saints.”
Scriptural information about Common Consent, click HERE.
Disturbing membership Trends, click HERE.
Do We Love Jesus Enough?, click HERE.
The Only True Hope for The Only True Church, click HERE.
My personal sadness over my friends and family leaving, click HERE.

To the Parents of Gay Children—I’m Sorry

mother-child A few months ago I wrote my sincere apology to my LGBT brothers and sisters. Both who are in the church and those who have left.

Today, I offer my apology to the Mormon and ex-Mormon parents of gay children.

Back in Time

Five years ago, I was the high priest group leader. In one of our quorum meetings, the lesson topic was teaching the gospel to our children. This scripture was highlighted:

Inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. D&C 68:25

One brother asked with concern, “How can I know if I taught my children as I should?” He then shared some of the bad decisions a couple of his children had made.

The balance of the meeting was filled with a fascinating back and forth discussion. Finally, somewhat of a consensus was reached. If your kids follow the commandments, then you can know that you taught them well during their childhood. However, I don’t think this sat well with a few quorum members, including me.

I was about to close the meeting, when a brother interrupted me. He had been totally silent during the entire discussion. This good man happens to have 3 gay children. As he began to speak, I realized how insensitive the discussion and conclusions had been to his situation. His voice betrayed a sense of discomfort, maybe even pain. He said something like this, “I think I did a pretty good job raising my kids. They have their free agency to make their own choices. All my kids are very good people.” In the following years, my friend has seldom ventured back into our priesthood meetings.

I’m Sorry

To my friend and to all parents of gay children….I apologize. You see, we were taught by our church that ‘blame’ for children being gay rests on the shoulders of the parents, on bad choices made by the kids, and on other, now discredited, speculations.

There is no ‘blame.’ Blame doesn’t even belong in an LGBT discussion. Maybe…credit, but not blame. And I give the credit to God. Your children came into the world perfect. Just as God created them. Beautiful babies with beautiful spirits. Blame and shame rests only on the shoulders of parents who do not embrace, love and champion their gay child.

I Apologize for What my Church has Taught

hartman-rector

These words were pronounced in General conference by Elder Hartman Rector; April 1981-Sunday afternoon session. I’m sorry that these and many other misguided statements were ever part of our church teachings.

I’m Sorry that We Accepted These Teachings as Truth

That’s right. I did. We did. We absorbed this erroneous instruction from our leaders. As a result, an unfounded prejudice towards gays permeated our LDS culture. And…towards their parents…who hadn’t provided “a happy family experience.”

Unfortunately, these hurtful beliefs still abound within the church membership. Our leaders have done little to counter the unsound teachings of just a few years ago. A few months ago, I told my home teachers that during their next visit I wanted to discuss the November 2015 policy regarding gay couples. I commend them for their dutiful and well meaning response. They brought a paper discussing how homosexuals become homosexual. Guess what was at the top of the list. It’s the parents fault! Several other reasons followed. All totally discredited by modern science and experience.

I don’t hold any of those views today. But, I did. I’m sorry, my dear friends who have gay children.

I’m Sorry That We Are Now Hiding Our Past Teachings

You can find the audio and print versions of Elder Rector’s talk HERE. But, there’s a big problem. The written words don’t match the spoken words. The quote above, along with the entire section dealing with homosexuality, have been scrubbed from the written version. You can listen to the deleted section starting at the 6:45 minute mark.

We should not silently whitewash our past teachings about families with gay children. Rather, we should condemn and disavow them. Otherwise, this false and damaging ‘knowledge’ will live on in our culture until it dies of old age.

Well, I’m disavowing it right now. I disavow the false theories that were presented as truth in our recent past. My dear friends with gay children, the state of happiness in your home had no effect on the orientation of your children. I’m sorry that we are now hiding what was once openly taught.

I Love You

Finally, if you have gay kids, I love you and your beautiful children. If you are gay, you had better know that I love you. Our society is marching forward in a wonderfully positive direction. I love it that the younger generation has no compunction regarding LGBT. Thank heavens.

I also love my church. It has beauties. It has blemishes. Ignoring our imperfection only leads to greater imperfection. So, no way am I going to ignore.

Standing on the Side of Love

Garth Ogzewalla

Eighteen years ago, my wife and I, along with our 6 daughters, moved to a new ward in Sugar Land, Texas. Garth was a member of the congregation. I met him, but didn’t really get to know him. He left the Mormon church soon after we arrived.

Almost 20 years passed before we were to reconnect. It happened through the Talkeria. No longer are we just acquaintances. I consider him a close and valued friend.

Last week he gave a talk at a special ‘vespers’ service sponsored by the church he now attends. The theme was “Standing on the Side of Love.” He kindly sent me a copy.

Every reading has brought tears to my eyes. My sweetheart’s evaluation: “That is so beautiful. We need to share it with all the kids.” So, kids…I hope you read and enjoy.

More Kin than Stranger-by Garth Ogzewalla

It was a prayer vigil after the Pulse nightclub shooting… Mormons showing support to the LGBTQ community. (You may be surprised, but so it was.) Would I like to come?, Sam asked. “Of course I would”… but *then* he asked “would you like to *say* something?”

Now I should have known he was just being polite. Everybody who came was given a chance to share feelings, if they wished. But I thought he was asking more. I thought he was asking for a talk, a homily. So I fretted over it. What could I say? Here I am, a straight, atheist, apostate, no immediate family (that I know of) who is gay. Surely a theist could give a better prayer! Surely an LDS church member could address recent church actions more convincingly. Surely someone with gay family members could speak more movingly of their pain or how to find comfort.

Then I thought, “NO”! What is more appropriate, more timely, more helpful than an outsider showing solidarity. Isn’t that what we need to mortar the cracks and fissures that appear between us? If I only worry about and support those who are just like me those cracks widen to canyons. If I only care for my own, what merit is there? (Oh, there is some to be sure. Loyalty and faithfulness to community, family and even self does have value. But if we feel and care for those who are NOT our own how much more commendable is that?

That is why I need to worry about your civil rights. Why this male needs to respect women and women’s rights, this citizen needs to welcome the immigrant, this white man needs to stand with a “black lives matter” sign, why I (blessed, educated, wealthy) need to safeguard the minimum wage worker, and this free man needs to be mindful of the prisoner. Indeed, why this cisgendered atheist needs to bow in prayer with the LGBTQ.

In truth, we are all in this prayer circle together. What’s more, we are not only in the same circle, we are more kin than stranger. This is the great paradox. The paradox that belies all I have said and turns it on its head as moot. For when I support your rights, no matter how different you seem at first, I am actually supporting the rights of my own community. Despite how foreign you first feel, on closer inspection, we are of the same family. You are my brother, my sister. I am your child, and you are mine. We are one.

May it be so, Amen

Cleaning the Church to Tears

choir

Alphabetically, my name came up for the church cleaning assignment this weekend. The next 2 days are jam packed with activities. Two stake conference sessions and the stake Christmas concert. The choir has a practice scheduled first thing Saturday morning. So, I decided to clean the chapel tonight, Friday, rather than be a nuisance during the rehearsal.

I was not the only person in the building. Two men in charge of the extensive sound system were there to nail down all the technical details. Shortly after I started vacuuming, my late night companions turned on a recording of Christmas music sung by the Tabernacle Choir. Oh my goodness, it was gorgeous!!

Dust…Wipe… Arrange…Vacuum. All the while beautiful holiday music wafted from the high quality sound system that had been specially set up for the upcoming Christmas program. I’ve never enjoyed cleaning as I did tonight. At least, for the first hour, anyway

Then came the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah. The sublime voices, stirring cadence, and beautiful instrumentals touched me deeply. I choked up. Tears filled my eyes. This classic Christmas mainstay brought back pleasant and painful memories.

Over 20 years ago, while serving as bishop, I had interviewed a particular man in the ward. We only met 2 or 3 times over the course of maybe 8 months. A delightful young professional. Returned missionary. Strong testimony. And….he was gay. Still in the closet, he hadn’t come out to anybody, yet. I don’t remember much of our conversations. My only counsel was encouragement to continue coming to church. Except to express my love, I had no idea what to do. Soon, a move took him out of the ward boundaries. I lost track of him.

Ten years later, our stake started our annual Christmas Concert. At the very first rehearsal, guess who walks in the door? My former gay parishioner. My heart warmed to see him. And, to see that he had stuck with the church. I had not heard hide nor hare of him for all these years. Selfishly, I took a spot right next to him. He was a strong tenor, I was weak. He led me through all the difficult parts. Plus, I wanted to reestablish our connection without the office of bishop between us.

For me, the most difficult number in each annual Concert was the Hallelujah Chorus. Man, that was tough for me. But, my talented tenor friend never seemed to miss a note. He helped me miss a lot less. We developed a great camaraderie. I sung with the stake choir for 3 years. The next 7, I only attended the performances. My friend stopped singing, too. But, he stayed on as the choir organist. Every year we had a joyful reunion at the lovely Christmas musical.

Then November came. November 2015. The infamous gay policy was announced. Twenty years had now passed since I first met my gay friend. How would he react?

The policy was devastating. Twenty years of working to stay in the church. This was too much. He was done.

He stayed just long enough to play the organ for one last Christmas Concert. Now, he’s gone. We’re still friends…good friends. But, he’s gone from the church that had been such a big part of his life…for his entire life. Last May, I composed a piece about my sadness over friends leaving the church. He was one I definitely had in mind when I wrote “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables.”

So, tonight, when the Hallelujah Chorus echoed joyously over the hum of my vacuum, sweet and sour memories swept through my mind. Tears flowed into my eyes. They remained teary for the entire next cleaning hour.

My dear choir-mate, if you read this, I love you my brother. Although you are gone, I stay and vote opposed to the policy that drove you away.

Tocubit Is Invisible's Cubit

Tag: LGBT