Tag: gay policy

Eighth Annual Mass Resignation Event

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Today, November 5, 2017 is the anniversary of the infamous LDS Church policy regarding gay parents and their children.  I was asked to speak at this event.  Here are the words I shared.

A Lesson that Haunts Me

Einstein, a genius adult, said this:  “If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.”

Rulon, a mentally handicapped child taught me this:  “If I don’t dissent, I consent.”

In 1968, I entered my high school years.  I was proud to a Layton Lancer.   Like most kids, I was a bit intimidated.  Nervous and super excited.  Those high school years were very good years.

However, one HUGE regret has dogged me all the years since.   The path of action that I’ve chosen, has been molded by a long lingering shame from that one incident.

After 50 years, it still brings tears to my eyes.

It occurred during my 9th grade gym class…in the locker room.  My locker was located in the same row as Rulon’s.  At least, I’ll call him Rulon here.  There are very few individuals in this world who ALWAYS have a smile lighting up their face.  I don’t recall ever seeing Rulon without his amazing smile brightly beaming.

Rulon was “retarded.”

Today, that’s not a proper way to refer to the mentally disadvantaged.  That’s just the word we used back then.  All of his classes were special education, except for gym.  Kids will be kids.  Boys will be boys. And that means constant teasing.   Rulon was a convenient and frequent target.  A victim of pure innocence.  But, somehow his smile remained immutable.

Then, one day……Oh why did that day have to happen?  It happened, just a few lockers away.  Two of my friends were teasing, then taunting, then harassing the innocently smiling boy.  They threw him up against the locker wall. I can still hear the dull thudding clank of his body against the metal. My friends roughed him up.  The evergreen smile disappeared.  Confused and distraught, he couldn’t understand what he had done to deserve such a beating.  A beating……..by friends……..among friends……..witnessed by friends.

As for me, and several others.  No…I’ll just focus on what I did.  I sat there and watched. Uncomfortable and frozen.  Repulsed, and passive.

When Rulon’s whipping was finished, he slumped.  Gazed at the floor.  Forlorn and smileless. I sat there.  Then I turned away.  Then I left.

I raised no objection.  I offered no dissent.  I stayed silent and watched.  An innocent happy soul was harmed.  After the damage was done, couldn’t I have apologized?  Couldn’t I have reached out with words of comfort and love?  I had four high school years to do it.  I didn’t.

My high school career came and went.  Once in a while, I would see Rulon in the halls. I don’t recall any conversations after that fateful day.  This pure and radiant boy was never the same.  That gym class had changed him.  Skittish.  Jumpy.  Confidence and trust in friends were tarnished and tattered.

Many times, I’ve thought of my locker room failure.  I’d like to personally tell him I’m sorry.  But that chance is long gone.  The boy with the ceaseless shining smile is no more.  He died young….decades ago.

Today, I realize that I was complicit with my silence. By not standing for my friend, I gave my consent. By not speaking for my friend, I offered my consent. By just staring at my friend, I granted my consent.

The meek and lowly Rulon was among the “least of these,” of whom Jesus taught us to be mindful.  Failing one of the least, has taught me a mighty lesson. If I don’t dissent…I’m giving my consent.

Today, Rulon, I WOULD stand up For you

Of course, I was a child back in 9th grade.

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

I’m a man, fully grown.  No more will I consent with my silence.  That only gives harm its license.  Nope.  This time I’ll think & take action.  I will not live out my remaining years in disgrace.

I DISSENT, my friend Rulon, I DISSENT.

And how do I dissent?  Let me recount the ways.

#1)  For 2 years, I met with my bishop and stake president many times for hours and hours. Not to discuss truth claims.  Rather, to explore how we could help those on the margins.  These are very good men. Ultimately, they decided to take no action.  It simply isn’t in their power to make any changes.

#2)  Nov 5, 2015, I was angered and hurt by a policy that was privately perpetrated on me and the entire church. I was done.  For the first time in 45 years, I went shopping for boxers.   My garments came off.  That night my poor wife was shattered and scared to death.  The specter of divorce raised its ugly head.  My wife and family are more important than my underwear or differences in belief.  I redonned my garments.  Stayed in the church.   And went about healing family relationships.

#3)  For the past couple of years, I’ve written my damn heart out: on my blog, on social media, and on my public Facebook page.  As a result of being open and honest, I’ve lost business and many friends.

#4)  For the last 1 ½ years, I have exercised my right and obligation to participate in the law of common consent. I voted opposed at every voting conference.  On the ward level, on the stake level, and during general conference.  In April of this year, I voted opposed in the Conference Center.  There were 3 of us who stood and shouted ‘OPPOSED.’   I DISSENT, my friend Rulon, I DISSENT.

I wish everyone in the church would express their disapproval through a vote of Common Consent.  Most members can’t do it for several valid reasons.  Those that do vote are mostly doing it with their feet.

Many of you have left the church.  Many will resign today.  I honor, respect and understand your path.  Actually, I can totally empathize.  I’ve experienced the gut-wrench, the excruciating pain and the soul crushing loneliness of a faith transition.  I consider you my friends no matter what your beliefs are.  When I talk to people, whether TBM, atheist, or anywhere in between, it turns out that our core beliefs are almost identical.

Now, #5.  I’d like to ask each of you to do something.   Sign a petition.  There is a dreadful practice in my church.  It’s widespread.  Yet not widely noticed.  It should be.

Men in authority are taking our children behind closed doors, all alone, often without the knowledge or permission of the parents and asking them explicit sexual questions.  “Do you masturbate?”  This, to children as young as 11 years old.

“Do you masturbate?”  This, all alone, behind closed doors.

This, happened to my children…without my knowledge….until 14 years after the fact.  That is outrageous.  I’m outraged.  Shouldn’t everybody be outraged?

Today, in Mormon churches all across the country, little girls and little boys, are being shamed in bishops offices.  Untold damage is being done to these kids.  The harm will last for years.  Sometimes for decades.  Some of our children will consider suicide.  Some will attempt it.  Some will succeed.

I OBJECT.  Rulon, I OBJECT.

I will not sit in silent shame as our children are shamefully thrown up against a wall of lockers and pummeled with sexual questions.  All reasonable people know this is dead wrong.

So, there’s my request.  Dissent with me.  Whether a member or not, we have a vested interest in protecting all children.  Especially our own children.

Sign the petition.

I love you my friends.

To my lifelong regret, my friend Rulon, is no longer here to love.  For him, I Dissent!!!

Other Resources

Link to the Petition to stop Mormon Masturbation Interviews.  Click HERE.

Testimonials of masturbation interviews.  Click HERE.

Testimonials of interviews about orgasm and sexual positions.  Click HERE.

Is masturbation a sin?  Click HERE.

How to talk to your kids about masturbation.  Click HERE.

An Apostle Gets the Gay Policy Right

hugh-b-brown

I grew up in the era of Hugh B. Brown.  He served in the LDS church both as an apostle and as a member of the First Presidency.  From my childhood, I recall the specifics of very few talks by the apostles.  But…I remember one by Elder Brown.  It was the story of a currant bush growing on his farm in Canada.  I won’t detail it here.  The point is that he was an eloquent speaker who made a positive and lasting impression during my early years.

Hugh B. Brown was also a man ahead of his times.  For example, he favored lifting the priesthood ban on black Africans.  When President David O. McKay died, Brown was not retained as a counselor in the First Presidency.  This had never happened before in the history of the church.  It’s rumored that this unusual occurrence resulted from his support of blacks receiving the priesthood.  Unfortunately, he passed away just 3 years prior to the ban being lifted.

Elder Brown’s Wisdom Lives On

Today’s apostles now condemn our past racist policies, practices and teachings.  Elder Brown got it right…and years before the prophet and other apostles of his time.

So, what would he say about our current LGBT policy that was announced in November 2015.  This policy dictates that lawfully wed gay couples are apostates.  It further decrees that their children are to be banned from church ordinances until 3 things happen.  First, that the reach the age of 18.  Second, that they disavow the lifestyle of their parents.  Third, that the First Presidency formally gives approval for the ordinances to be performed.

Fortunately, we know where the Apostle Brown stood on this new policy:

“Official statements of the First Presidency that have not been submitted to the membership of the church for its approval are matters of temporary policy only. Under present conditions, for example, the First Presidency may say, ‘We recommend this or that.’ But conditions may subsequently change, and when they do the First Presidency may wish to make a statement which may not be in complete harmony with a former statement. We have to keep our theology up to date by submitting everything that is intended to become a permanent part of the gospel to those whose right and privilege it is to so interpret and then by having it sustained by the people as a definite rule of the church so that all things may be done by common consent.” (Hugh B. Brown, An Abundant Life: The Memoirs of Hugh B. Brown, ed. Edwin B. Firmage [Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 1999], 124-125).

What a great statement buttressing Christ’s mandate for common consent!!!  According to Brown:

  • The gay policy can only be a temporary policy since it has not been submitted to the membership of the church for approval.
  • The membership has the right and privilege to interpret what is being submitted for change.
  • The membership has the right and privilege to vote on whatever is intended to become a definite rule of the church.
  •  All this so that “all things may be done by common consent.”

I liked Elder Brown as a child.  I love Elder Brown as an adult.  He views the members of the church as adults not as children.  He views us as an indispensable part of church governance.  We have the right and privilege to interpret and form our own opinions about church policy.  Then everything must to be presented to us for an up or down vote.

According to this great apostle, the gay policy is at best temporary.  It must be presented to the us, the members, for approval or disapproval.

Rights and Privileges

Where is Hugh B. Brown when we need him to declare and defend our rights and privileges?

Well, he’s dead.  

What modern apostles are standing up to defend our rights and privileges as members?

So far…none are.

Then who IS going to stand up for our rights and privileges?

At this point it’s up to you and me, the rank and file members, to stand up for ourselves.

To stand up for the law that Jesus revealed as a vital part of the restored church.  

To stand up for our rights and privileges as members of Christ’s church.  

To stand up and for what we know to be right.  

Not to stand against the apostles.  

Rather, to stand with them in our quest to follow the commandments of Jesus Christ.

My fellow church members…Let’s live by the Law of God…the Law of Common Consent.

Other Resources

  • Common Consent Scriptures & Doctrine, click HERE.
  • Common Consent Register—A Record of Those Who Disapprove, click, HERE.
  • Do We Love Jesus Enough?, click HERE.
  • The Only True Hope for The Only True Church, click HERE.

Nude Sailing

imageChildhood Sailing

As a boy, my dad taught me to sail.  I loved it.  We sailed often.  When I married and started raising a family, our first recreational purchase was a 16′ catamaran.  My children will recall many, many exciting memories of sailing through the surf in the Gulf of Mexico.  With crashing waves and strong wind, catamaran sailing is more thrilling & exhilarating than the most extreme roller coaster.  I still have a 19′ Nacra sitting in the garage.

At the not so advanced age of 63, my days at sea are no longer frequent.  But…..with whispers of nude sailing, my windy, watery sport may be winging its way to new life.

Hearing Restored With Nudity

A few days ago, I was outfitted with hearing aids for the first time.  My doctor is an attractive woman, somewhere in her thirties. She applied the miniature devices to my ears.  A round disc shaped object was hung from my neck.  I was seated in front of another and larger disc.  Wires were strung from both these devices, connecting them to a computer.  Testing, programming and fine tuning began.  The doctor: “Sally sells sea shells on the sea shore. How did that sound?” And so it went.

Between adjustments and repeated tests, we small talked.  Until….she said something about sailing.  Rarely, do you run into a fellow sailor.  Once she knew of our mutual hobby, the fitting stopped and she began regaling me of her maritime adventures. They had begun at age 9 on the Chesapeake Bay.  She recounted her sailing history; the lessons, the boats, the storms, the fun, the excitement.  Right up to this past weekend.

Then this: “Last week I was in a NUDE sailing competition with my daughter.” I had been listening with great interest.  Now my attention was riveted.  NUDE SAILING?  What the heck!  She said it so casually that it wasn’t appropriate to drop my jaw.  But, mentally, my jaw dropped completely open.  NUDE SAILING?  A BARE NAKED COMPETITION?

Suddenly, visions were dancing in my head. Not of sugar plums, something else instead.  Naked on a small sailboat?  With others all about?  How do you do that?  What does it look like?  Pulling the rudder, trimming the sails, holding the sheets.  Bending and twisting in the waves and the wind.  Sunscreen?  Tan lines?  Coed?  What??  NUDE SAILING???  And, a competition, to boot?

But, wait, maybe the new devices weren’t working well.  Maybe I just misheard.  Could it have been crude, or prude, or lewd?  Wait a minute.  Now, I’m just thinking of things that might be connected with NUDE.

Not missing a beat, she kept talking.  Then, my thoughts went back 30 years.  My dad, my 3 brothers and I rented a large sailboat in the Caribbean.  For 7 days we sailed from one island to the next.  The little French isle of St. Bart’s held an eye-popping surprise.  We anchored in a small uninhabited cove.  Beautiful water, beach, vegetation.  Another boat pulled into the same protected harbor.  Maybe 50 yards away.

Before long, everybody on our boat had detected something intriguing about their boat. We were clad in swimsuits. They were clad in none. Necked they were.  I didn’t want to stare, with my dad and brothers there.  But….I wanted to stare….just like my dad and brothers, who were there.  So, we all stole furtive glances until sunset.

Finally, my curiosity couldn’t be contained. Timidly, I queried, “The hearing aids might need more adjustment.  I’m sure this can’t be right, but did you say NUDE sailing?”

Her response was a mischievous giggle.  Uh…oh….what now?  I’m just getting hearing aids, right?  I hope?

Chuckling, she replied, “I did say nude sailing. But, that’s N…O…O…D.  It stands for National Offshore One-Design.” We got a good laugh out of the misunderstanding. Now, we both knew that my hearing was crystal clear.

New, but Not NUDE, Couple in the Hood

A few years ago, my wife and I sponsored a get-together for National Night Out.  We distributed flyers, set out chairs & tables, ice cream & treats. Two men walked up our driveway and politely introduced themselves.  They had recently moved into the neighborhood and hadn’t met many neighbors, yet.  They were a delightful COUPLE. That’s right. They were a gay couple. The first one that I’d ever met. And….they had 2 adopted children. Within a few short months they had moved away.

This encounter got me thinking about the Mormon church’s stance on gay people. Would accommodations ever be made to allow room for them in our religion?  My wife and I discussed it.  I don’t know why I spent time considering the issue.  I just did.  Finally, I came to the conclusion that somehow changes would have to be made.  Somehow gay couples would have to be included.  Because….there are children involved!  Jesus made a point to point out that he loves all children. Without the parents, these children would likely remain unreachable.  Children are treasured much more by the Savior than any policy.

Little did I know that the church would soon move in the polar opposite direction.

The New, and NUDE, November Policy

November 2015 held a shocking surprise. A church wide policy was announced.  Gay couples, who have the audacity to engage in legal and lawful marriage, would be declared apostate.  Children of gay parents were to be stripped of their right to baby blessings, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and temple attendance.

A friend of mine is married to the love of her life.  Two women with five children between them.  Their darling family of 7 were active believing members.  In faith, this couple had managed to cope with the church’s stance on being gay.  How much faith does THAT require?  I can only imagine the difficulty.  Never-the-less, their righteous desire was to see their children raised in the church.

November changed all that.  The edict from Salt Lake City crushed their faith. This precious family of 7 no longer attends.  A few days ago, the bishop contacted my friend to schedule their disciplinary council.  Insult added to injury.

This new policy has been dressed up as a pronouncement of love & protection for the little ones with gay parents.  But, when all the rhetoric is stripped away, it’s a just a NAKED program of rejection, exclusion and stigma.

Two thousand years ago, Jesus gently counseled that the pathway to heaven was traveled by reaching out to the “least of these.”  Two thousand years later, we have resorted to casting them out.