Apostles’ Best Friend by Voting Opposed

Ballroom dancing is my hobby. Don’t worry. It’s not terribly contagious. But, it is great fun. Inadvertently and with serendipity, ballroom has also taught me precepts of general living. Recently, at the beginning of a lesson, my instructor, Lisa, and I had the following interchange:

Lisa: Today, I’m going act like your best friend.

Sam: What does that mean?

Lisa: I’m not going to let you get away with anything.

Sam: What does that mean?

Lisa: I’m going to be totally truthful. We’re working on your style and I want you to get it right.

Sam: Good. You know I prefer honest feedback.

Time for Best Friendship

In the LDS Church, the top leaders are called apostles. For all of my 63 years, I have held them in high esteem. I’ve attentively and earnestly listened to them, followed them, quoted them, loved them. However, I was not being a ballroom best friend. That has changed. As of last April, I have started acting like the best friend I should be. Three times, in April and May church conferences, general, stake & ward, I gave my honest opinion by raising my hand when “any opposed?” was pronounced from the pulpit.

Opposition vs. Disapproval

As part of the Mormon Church governance, 4 times every year, the names of the apostles are presented to the membership. We are given the opportunity to sustain or oppose these men as apostles. It’s a wonderful part of how the church should to be run. However, I don’t care for the wording we use. “Opposed” seems a little harsh. But, that’s the way it’s done. This procedure is based on multiple LDS scriptures contained in the book, Doctrine & Covenants. For example, in D&C 124:144 Christ gives Joseph Smith the commandment to get approval or disapproval of those selected for various callings. This is done by presenting the names at conferences of the church and asking for a showing of hands. I much prefer the wording Jesus used: approve vs. sustain and disapprove vs. oppose. I’m not opposed to the apostles. I simply disapprove of some of what they are doing. Most of their decisions, I do approve of. But, their is a fly in the ointment that has pushed me to dance onto the stage of disapproval. It’s time for me to be a best friend.

The Gay Policy

Last November the church leadership announced a new policy. If members of the church marry someone of the same sex, they are now labeled apostates and excommunicated. Their kids are to be excluded from baby blessings, baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, priesthood ordination, & participation in temple worship. Only when these children reach the age of 18 can they be baptized. Two conditions are stipulated. 1) Approval of the First Presidency. 2) Disavowal of the lifestyle of their parents.

The purpose of this post is not to discuss all the reasons for and against such a policy. At this point, I’m just going to say that it’s disturbing to me on several levels. I disapprove and have done so in the manner set forth by Jesus and Joseph Smith in our LDS canonized scripture.

Covenants

Although, I don’t want to discuss details of this edict, I do want to frame the mindset that has resulted in my disapproving conference votes.

The pinnacle of LDS worship is carried out in our temples. Therein, sacred ordinances are performed. Serious covenants of exaltation are at the very heart of these holy rituals. I have made these promises. I take them seriously. It’s in consideration of these very covenants that I feel compelled to manifest my best-friendship. Following are the three covenants in particular that relate to my decision.

Avoid all lightmindedness. Not sure exactly what this means. But, at least, I take it that it I should be serious about serious matters. Jesus tells his leadership to consult me 4 times every year and ask for my opinion. Should I approach this opportunity with lightmindedness? If I’m not thoughtful, prayerful, studious about the sustaining process, I now consider it as breaking my covenant. A former apostle offers some support here, “It is clear that the sustaining vote by the people is not, and is not to be regarded as, a mere matter of form, but on the contrary a matter of the last gravity.” It’s my opinion that the Savior wants me to be a best friend to His leadership. It’s a vital part of the church governance that He established. From here on out, no lightmindedness from this poor dancer. I’m going to be a best ballroom friend. Totally truthful. As my instructor would say, I’m not going to let them get away with anything.
Avoid all evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed. Again, I’m not sure exactly what this means. But, let’s take it that the Lord’s anointed are the church leaders. BTW, I don’t agree with the limiting nature of this interpretation. Never-the-less, let’s go with it here. Some have said that I’m breaking this covenant by voting opposed. Obviously, I don’t agree with that assessment. It just seems silly that Jesus would have them ask my opinion and then say, “Uh, uh, uh! You just broke your covenant by being honest.” For me, this covenant implies that I should be concerned about the welfare of the apostles. I am. This policy has created lots of evil speaking. Many have lost respect for the high leadership. The apostles have lost credibility and influence with many members. I’ve seen friends and family simply walk away. With them, the apostles have now lost total influence. I desire to help in the avoidance of evil speaking. Voting opposed works towards keeping this covenant.
Avoid all unholy practices. Once again, I don’t know exactly what this means. Here’s what I’ve come to: Jesus tells us to do something…it’s unholy if we do something different. Jesus tells us not to do something…it’s unholy if we do it. This is the most important reason I voted opposed. For me, this exclusionary policy, especially regarding children, is an unholy practice. A clear and present violation of my temple covenant.

Temple Recommend

When I voted NO, I held a current recommend. I still do. After the first vote of disapproval, a 2 3/4 hour interview ensued with my stake president and bishop. I was asked, “How would you feel if you were to lose your temple recommend?” My response, “I would view it as an egregious example of unrighteous dominion. Christ has commanded the leadership to ask for my opinion. If I’m punished for being forthright and honest, that wouldn’t be right.” My recommend was not pulled.

But, if it had been, I would have been OK with that. Another apostle, Bruce R. McConkie, speaking of temple covenants, weighed in with this insight, “The law of sacrifice is that we are willing to sacrifice all that we have for the truth’s sake—our character and reputation; our honor and applause; our good name among men.” I’m OK with that assessment. Keeping McConkie’s words in mind, I’m certainly willing to sacrifice my temple recommend in order to keep my temple covenants.

Questions?

Do I believe others in the church are violating their temple covenants by supporting our gay policy of exclusion? Absolutely not. There is something really divine about these sacred promises. We don’t understand them when we make them. We never discuss them openly. And, no one has been able to answer my covenant questions when I queried. So, I guess it’s up to each one of us to sort out their meaning. Well, that’s kind-a-cool. I respect your interpretation of your covenants. I ask that you do the same for me.

Do I believe others should vote OPPOSED? Not necessarily. I’m not encouraging anyone to vote one way or the other. Common consent is a vital, yet overlooked part, of the governance of the church. In my opinion, the church would be much better at self-correction if more would consider voting their opinion, if they are truly opposed. Unfortunately, those who are troubled about this and other policies often vote with their feet rather than their hands. That’s OK, too. If you leave the church, I wish you the very best. I respect and certainly can understand your decision. Godspeed and happiness on your journey. I will remain your friend, probably even better friends than before.

In the meantime, I’ll remain best friends with the apostles by giving them my truthful opinion every time they ask. My ballroom instructor has taught me well.

Dancing with Jesus

Tango Dancers

Thirty-nine years ago, I accomplished the impossible: I graduated as a single male from BYU. Very rare back in 1977. Relatively common today.

I moved to Houston with no wife in tow. Young LDS singles being sparse, I was constantly on the look-out for a future spouse. City wide dances were held every couple of months. Prime occasions to meet someone cute and available. I don’t think I ever missed a dance. Within 1 1/2 years, I was married to my sweetheart. Singles dances faded into the distant past.

Odd Behavior

During those long-ago dances, I observed a rather interesting ritual. There was a particular single man who attended regularly. I’ll call him John. He always brought a date. The very same date. I think they were engaged.

John followed a predictable pattern. As the evening progressed he would only dance a couple of times with his delightful & dependable companion. However, he danced every song…..with a different girl! He was pretty picky and chose carefully who he asked. You see, back then, there were girls who could count on dancing all night. And….then, there were girls who could only hope. Of course, these women were not deficient….in any way! They may have been a bit different, but not deficient, defective, or discardable. Never-the-less, there they were, lining the walls, filling a chair. These are the women with whom John chose exclusively to dance the night away.

A Parable

Fast forward almost 40 years. I didn’t see it at the time. Maybe John didn’t either. But, I see now that he was…..Dancing with Jesus.

One of my favorite spiritual teachings is found in Matthew 25.

34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

35 For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least, ye have done it unto me.” What a drop-dead gorgeous, tear-in-the-eye, teaching! One of the mainstays for me choosing to follow Christ.

Back to John. The women he chose to dance with certainly were not the “least” in most situations. But, for some reason, that evening, they were the “least” in the cultural hall. Literally, they were at the margins. Isn’t that the hallmark of Jesus’ ministry? Reaching out to those marginalized by society? John was Dancing with Jesus.

Over the years, I have often thought about the concept of the “least of these.” Occasionally, I’ve attempted to implement it. At this point, I’d like to Dance with Jesus way more often.

The Least

So, who are the “least” around us, today? Who are the modern lepers? There are two groups that I think fit this category and that I want to actively reach out to. They are not deficient or defective in any way! They may be different.

Group 1: LGBT

For most of my life, society and the Mormon church have viewed gay people in much the same way as lepers were viewed in Christ’s time. They have been the poster child of marginalization. Fortunately, our society is progressing. Perceptions and understandings are changing for the better. However, gay adults and children still face a very difficult road in the LDS community. Parents and siblings also face daunting challenges.

I’ve decided to Dance with Jesus through my beloved gay brothers and sisters. You are my friends. I have your back. I love you.

Group 2: Faith Transitioned Mormons

Until the past couple of years, I would have never considered this a marginalized group. I didn’t even know they existed. Naive and sheltered was I. No more. I have personally witnessed the pain, anguish, and alienation of many members whose faith has been challenged by history and doctrine that seem to have been hidden and obfuscated by the very top church leaders.

Questioning, transitioning or transitioned members have no safe place within the church to discuss and work through their issues. Rather, they are frequently judged as prideful, lazy, sinful or desiring to sin. Often they FEEL alone and shunned. Often they ARE alone and shunned.

So, I am now Dancing with Jesus through my good transitioning brothers and sisters. You are dear friends. I have your back. I love you, no matter what path you choose.

Clueless?

Do I know exactly what I’m doing or how to do it? Nope. Will I stub my toes? Will I step on someone’s feet? Yep. When I first started my ballroom hobby, I had 2 left feet. After lots of work, I’ve advanced to: ½ right foot and 1 ½ left. Progress! In this new dance, I’m pretty sure I can count 3 left feet. But, I’m Dancing with Jesus. He led the leper. He’ll lead me.

Now, on to Dancing with Jesus.

Ballroom Prophetess

Coming Out

It’s finally time for me to come out! I admit and take ownership. No longer will I be embarrassed by who I am.

Am I gay? Nope. Though, I do have many good friends who are gay.

Have I left the Mormon church? Nope. Yes, I do have many good friends who have made the choice to leave.

Do I . . . . ? Hold your horses!!! I’ll get there.

Secrets

For several years, I’ve been engaged in a hidden activity known only to my immediate family members; wife and later the kids. I was assiduous in concealing it from my wider sphere of family, friends and acquaintances. Fortunately, those who knew of my frequent furtive festivity, seldom even whispered of it. A blessing, indeed. I wasn’t ready for the world to know.

How often have friends regaled with their exotic exploits. Marathons & mountain climbing, fishing & flying, travel & triathlons, biking & backpacking, golf & guns. Some hobbies are pursued with wealth. But, mine was always pursued in stealth.

Here Goes . . .

BALLROOM DANCE. Ok, I’ve said it. I’m exhaling with a big sigh of relief. Now you know. And, I no longer need to hide my surreptitious avocation.

For the past several years, I’ve taken ballroom dance lessons. It’s challenging, fun and a great diversion. I love the music and the movement. Frustration, when I don’t understand and can’t get it. Exhilaration, when comprehension and competence finally come. Last year, I entered my first dance competition. Kind of scary. Dancing in approximately 60 entries, I was a bit overwhelmed. Waltz, foxtrot, Viennese waltz, quickstep and tango. Emotions all over the place. From, embarrassment, I’m going to quit, I hate my teacher . . to . . electrifying thrill! A level of euphoria that I have not felt since my teenage years.

Last Saturday was competition #2. This time, my better judgment, now colored with experience, kept me to a modest 20 entries. Emotions only ran on the side of, “Oh man, this is so fun.” Here’s a video of 2 heats, a waltz and foxtrot.

The Prophetess

Of course, ballroom dance requires instruction. Instruction requires an instructor. I have a great one! All wrapped up together, she is . . . trainer, coach, guide, tutor, mentor & drillmaster. But, most important, she is a Prophetess. At least to me.

I just read the paragraph above to my daughter and she asked, “What does that mean? It sounds like you are in love with her.” I’m not. She is 30 years my younger and a good friend to my wife and kids. In fact, my daughters question reveals just one type of judgment I’ve sought to avoid by not openly discussing my sport of choice.

But, what does it mean that she is a prophetess?

Well, in my church there are 15 men we sustain as prophets. We look to them for direction on many/most of life’s matters. When they speak, we listen. Not only listen, but we obey. “It’s not mine to reason why, mine is but to do and . . . ” We are to follow the prophet, even if he is wrong. And . . . no criticism allowed.

Ok. I recognize that the comparison of my teacher to the prophets is not completely parallel. But, last Saturday, something happened that caused me to spot a similarity. My 20 heats were about to start. For the next couple of hours, I would be totally occupied with the competition. Anticipation, electricity, excitement swirled in my mind. My teacher brought all of my wondering awe to an abrupt halt with 2 clear commands, “Sam, how long has it been since you went to the bathroom?” Methinks, ‘What kind of a question is that to ask a 63 year old adult.’ Me-speaks, “I’m not sure.” Teacher, “I want you to go the bathroom. While you’re there, blow your nose.” Obediently, Sam immediately complied. For good measure, I even washed my hands.

No Comparison

It’s true that I have had concerns about openly discussing my ballroom dance adventure. Mostly, because it seemed wimpy in comparison to Iron Man exploits. Plus, it opens me to a judgmental society.

I have personally seen the struggles of gay people and non-believing Mormons coming out to the world. For many/most/all, it’s excruciatingly painful. Fraught with judgment, confusion, anger, sadness, depression, loss and shunning.

Oh, how I wish it didn’t have to be this way. Things are changing. Changing for the better. The time will come when all Comings-Out will be as benign as that of a Ballroom Dancer.

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Tag: Ballroom dance