Mormons & Disgusting Practices

Disgusted Girl

The following happened within the last several months.

My husband is the bishop’s son and I got pregnant before he proposed.  It was no surprise when my father-in-law called me into the bishop’s office to ask if I wanted to repent. I said yes because obviously I wanted to go to heaven and how am I supposed to tell my father-in-law and bishop “no thanks, I’m good with my sins.” I had no idea what the process entailed but I was definitely not prepared for him to ask me to describe what sexual acts I did with his son and how often we did them.

A father-in-law asking his soon to be daughter-in-law what sex acts she engaged in with his son is twisted and disgusting.   Sick on so many levels.  Yet, it is totally condoned by the Mormon Church.  Do you hear my Mormon friends how revolting this sounds?  Unhealthy & wholly unnecessary.  I have already stood up and openly stated how abhorrent this practice is.  The Church’s response was to kick me out.  Foolish men.  And that’s all they are…men.

This women was 18 at the time.  I think she’s 19 now.  One of my daughter’s was also pregnant at 19.  As a teenage married woman, heavy with child, she sat across from her bishop, all alone, as he posed his nasty question, “Do you masturbate?”  It angers me to think that my daughter was subjected to this.

Mormon’s, how do you tolerate this behavior?  How do you put up with prophets, seers and revelators who condone & foster this ugly practice?  They are no friend to children and families while they continue to harbor that which is unwholesome and unsavory.

I hope you are starting to realize that the Church and it’s culture have conditioned you to accept practices as normal that are abhorrent to EVERY SINGLE PERSON OUTSIDE THE CHURCH.

I encourage you to stand up and speak out.  Don’t humiliate yourself by allowing your church to shame children and adults with interrogations about sexual positions, masturbation and all the other pornographic and damaging questions that are permitted by your leadership.  It’s incumbent on you to make your own church better.

I invite you to climb a mountain and save a child.

 

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Behold My Mother–I Stabbed Her in the Heart

mother-child

My Mother

I was born on November 26.  Three days later, at exactly 22 years old, my mother brought me home on her birthday, November 29.  Often she has told me that it was her best birthday ever.  Little did she know that this innocent newborn babe would grow up to stab her in the heart.

She suckled me, changed me, bathed me, swaddled me in baby oil.  She helped me learn to walk and talk.  And after all her loving toil, a knife to the heart was in her future.

When sick she ministered to me.  When healthy she encouraged me.  Three meals a day she prepared for me.  Bought my clothes.  Washed and ironed my clothes.  As I aged, my innocence faded.  Never would I have suspected that I’d do what I did, after I grew.

Kindergarten, grade school, then, Jr. & Sr. high school.  A mom always constant in love and care.  As the stabbing grew closer, neither one of us remotely aware.

Finally, off to college.  Interrupted for 2 glorious years of mission in Guatemala and El Salvador.  Every week a letter from my sweet mom.  Frequent ‘care packages’ were much anticipated and even more appreciated.  But, not remembered enough to prevent the blow to my mother’s heart that I soon would strike.

Graduated college.  Moved to Texas.  Fell in love.  Asked my sweetheart to marry.  Cried when she accepted.  Oh that sweet & innocent puppy love, unencumbered by the coming distractions of children, bills, and the adjustments of living together. Those months of engagement were heaven on earth.  The final months leading up to my inevitable deed.

The fateful September day arrived.   My fiancé had never been to the temple.  She & I traversed the endowment ceremony without parents or siblings or friends.  Together, yet alone, among a room full of strangers.  Afterwards she recounted her fright and intimidation during that first temple experience. The knife was poised…about to plunge.

I and my gorgeous fiancé were ushered into the sealing room.  With no mothers or fathers present, we were pronounced man & wife……and the knife……was finally plunged deep into my mother’s heart.

Outside the temple walls my mother stood.  Sobbing silently in her wounded heart.  Excluded from the crowning event of her first born’s coming of age.  UNWORTHY to witness the wedding.  UNWORTHY?  Certainly she should be the most worthy!  No, it’s the judgement that was unworthy of my worthy mom.  Oh, the humiliation and indignity she must have felt.  How many wondered what she could have done?  What horrible sin caused the temple to not let her in?  Her shame and dishonor only drove the dagger deeper.

The Damage Comes Home to Roost

My dear mother resigned from the church…three months ago.

After the fact, we discussed it at length.  The first fissure in her faith was slashed open 38 years before.  Outside those cold…stone…temple walls.  She was stabbed in the heart by her first born son.  Bruised and bloody within.  Stoic and stout without.  I didn’t realize what I’d inadvertently done.  At the time, I gave no thought to her plight.  Of course not.  In just a few hours, it would be my wedding night.

And what of her great unworthy sin?  Now the knife boomerangs back into my own heart.  My parents finances had been stretched thin.  A choice was made between full tithing or continued support for my younger missionary brother.  My mother chose to keep my brother preaching rather than fully tithe.

I’m sorry mom!  I’m sorry you have carried this wound for your entire 86 year life.  If I could do it again, so differntly I’d do.  We’d marry outside to include all.  Especially for you to stand proud and tall.  I’d unselfishly wait for 12 month to transpire.  Only then would I enter the holy house to be sealed to my sweet spouse.

I’m sorry mom for my naive arrogance.  It was hidden then, but I plainly see it now.

Such a Simple Solution

For the vast majority of the world, a mother holds a lovely, prominent & honored place in the wedding celebration.  Are we the only religion that bars “UNWORTHY” parents from their beloved children’s weddings?   To me, this truly is an unholy practice.  And…wholly unworthy of the Church of Jesus Christ.

This dreadful pattern only plays out in the United States, Canada and a few other lands.  In most countries, the marriage ceremony is performed civilly outside of the temple.  Then the sealing follows at a convenient date.  In the U.S., if a couple makes the choice to marry outside the temple, they are not permitted to be sealed for at least 12 months.  Unfortunately, stigma, rumor and gossip accompany the mandatory waiting period.

Marriage in the temple is not a saving ordinance.  Only the sealing.  So, why do we have the 12 month probationary period in the U.S. and Canada?  I’ve asked many.  No one can give a reason why.  The only speculation I’ve heard is that our exclusionary approach brings in more tithing.  Certainly that can’t be the reason…can it?

Our wedding exclusion policy only does harm.  How many more mothers will be silently stabbed in their tender hearts?  How many non-member parents will be supremely disappointed in their exclusion?  How many mothers will weep in their unworthiness?  Unworthy?  Really?  Every year our exclusive policy creates hard feelings and wedges among 1,000’s of parents and family.  To what end?  It’s a bad policy that has ended in most places around the world.  It’s time that it end here as well.

Voting In Disapproval

Over the past year, I have voted in disapproval at all 4 of the conferences where sustainings are conducted: Ward, Stake and both General Conferences.  I vote because I care about the church.  I care about the commandments and the loving gospel of Jesus.  I care about those among us who are in pain.

Here are the reasons I vote in opposition.

  1. The Law of Common Consent.  This is the beautiful law given by Jesus that mandates how His church is to be governed.  Today, the church is in open and blatant disobedience to this divine commandment.
  2. The exclusion policy of gay couples and their children.  It was dictated to the church in November 2015.  Never has it been put to the vote of the general membership.  Our doctrine, the law of God and the pronouncements of past prophets demand that it be presented for a general conference vote.
  3. The U.S. wedding waiting period.  Another policy that has never been put to the required vote.  Certainly, my fellow church citizens would soundly reject the continuance of the injury this policy promulgates.

Please, Apostles…Let’s live by the Law of God…the Law of Common Consent

Please, my fellow church members…Let’s live by the Law of God…the Law of Common Consent.

Other Resources

  • Common Consent Scriptures & Doctrine, click HERE.
  • Common Consent Register—A Record of Those Who Disapprove, click, HERE.
  • Disturbing membership Trends, click HERE.
  • Do We Love Jesus Enough?, click HERE.
  • The Only True Hope for The Only True Church, click HERE.
  • My personal sadness over friends and family leaving, click HERE.
  • “Tear Down This Wall.”  More on marriage exclusion, click HERE.

Divorce or Disobey?

Hint: Adam and the Mormon Temple say……..DISOBEY.

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A Tender Text

Today, my youngest daughter sent me this message:

Dear dad,

Thank you so much for putting mom and our family before yourself. Today I met a Mormon couple that is getting divorced because the man has left the church. I talked with them for a while and it was apparent that he just wasn’t willing to make sacrifices for his wife’s happiness. I am so glad to have a father who is able to see the importance of family above everything else.

Love, Emily

BTW, I have not left the LDS church.

Divorce

Over the past couple of years, I have come in contact with many members who have left the church. Their prior faith obliterated by history, doctrine & policies that they had only recently discovered. This includes good friends and family.

Sometimes, married couples depart from the church together. Sometimes, it’s only one spouse whose faith transitions. Unfortunately, I have heard and read many stories of couples divorcing when only one leaves the church. Often, the believing partner is encouraged by bishops and stake presidents, family and friends, to divorce the non-believing spouse. The family is broken. Children confused, scared and heartbroken.

All this over belief & church.  Is marriage less important than belief?  Is family less treasured than church?

Disobedience

For the first time in almost 2 years, I recently attended the temple. I explain here exactly why I decided to go back.  This time, I went with new eyes.  It was fascinating, uplifting, and spiritual.  Lot’s of new understandings.  I have already written about one monumental take-away here.

The temple movie presents a beautiful portrayal of the creation story.  Adam & Eve are placed in the Garden of Eden.  Satan tempts Adam do disobey God.  Our first father will have nothing to do with disobedience.

Eve is Lucifer’s next target for temptation.  She carefully considers the Adversary’s argument. Her rational decision is to disobey God.  Result: Eve was to be cast out of the protected, perfect and paradisiacal Garden of Eden.

Now, it’s her turn to offer the forbidden fruit to Adam. He considers. Refuses.  “I will not disobey Father,” he insists.  Eve persists.  Finally, Adam looks into heaven and weighs the options.  His decision: it’s more important to disobey God than to have their precious union broken-up.

What a tremendous temple statement!  What an amazing example of righteous disobedience!  This, from the very first story in the bible.  The foundational epic of Christianity and Mormondom highlights two “sinful” acts.  Eve disobeyed God in order to bring about the human race.  Adam disobeyed God in order to keep his marriage in good grace.

So, bishops & stake presidents, friends & family, reflect on the temple teachings before you encourage a believer to divorce the non-believer.

1 Corinthians 7:14 “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.”

“Tear Down this Wall”

“Tear Down this Wall”

Quoted from a seminal speech delivered by Ronald Reagan in 1987.  It was given in Berlin at the Brandenburg Gate.  Of course, he was referring to the Berlin Wall that divided the German city in half.  It was a global symbol of repression, division & oppression.  Two short years later, the infamous wall was torn down.  Within four years, the entire Soviet Union ceased to exist.  In its place, freedom was about to sweep over the continent.

While I was growing up, the dissolution of the “evil empire” was thought to be impossible, or at least a generation away.  Once people’s desire for Liberty was set in motion, the course of history raced forward.  The speed of its advancement was a surprise to most everyone.

Now….“Tear Down THIS Wall”

There is a wall in my church that divides, separates and excludes.  I, Sam Young, have made sacred covenants within the confines of a modern-day temple.  I have promised to avoid every unholy practice.  The definition of my promise is that anything contrary to the teachings of Jesus is unholy.  There is an unholy wall that, as we speak, is tearing down families in our midst.  It’s time to tear this unholy wall down.   Part of my temple promise is not only to avoid, but to speak out against “every unholy practice.”

The current policy regarding temple marriages states that if a couple is married outside the temple they must wait one year before being sealed.  As a result, almost all marriages are performed in the temple, at the same time as the sealing.  The consequence is exclusionary, hurtful and entirely unnecessary.  Any parent, sibling, child, friend who does not have a current recommend is excluded from the ceremony.  Dreadful!

Weddings are pivotal events in life.  They should be filled with joy and celebration for everyone.  Instead, this wall of division creates hard feelings that often last a lifetime.  When I was married, my parents, my wife’s parents, her siblings and most of my siblings were simply shut out.  My mother has since left the church.  Her first doubts formed as she paced outside of the Salt Lake temple, denied inclusion in her own first born son’s wedding.  Does this sound cruel to only me?

Temple

“Why is This Wall Here?”

That’s the question Reagan asked the Soviets.  That’s the question my covenants push me to pose.  The marriage ceremony is not a saving ordinance.  There is no requirement that it be held in the temple.  “Legal and lawfully wedded” applies to those performed in public as well as in the temple.  So, why is this wall here?  It’s time for its demolition.

What’s more it has already been dismantled in many countries around the world.  From Serbia to Spain, the UK to New Zealand, Mexico and Germany, France and Brazil, from South Korea to Switzerland, and on and on and on.  In all these countries, the wall of temple marriage has already been torn down.  Not by our church, but by the citizens of each nation, themselves.  Their laws require weddings be performed in public.  The sealing then follows in private.

It’s time to tear down this wall in EVERY country where it disconnects families that are just forming.  Let’s not wait for the citizens of each country to demolish this partition for us.  That could take decades or never.  My covenant calls me to call the church to take action.

Make a policy pronouncement.  Watch the people rejoice.  Parents and children.  Members and non-members. Believers and non-believers.  Brothers and sisters.  Bride and groom.  Tearing down this wall, is a no-lose proposition.

One Vote

The Best Solution

There is a better way than just a pronouncement.  The procedure prescribed in our own LDS cannon.  Call upon the Law of Common Consent.  Allow the fellowcitizens, the Latter-day Saints, to vote this wall of familial division, either up or down.  We never voted for the wall in first place.  Let us vote now.

Either by pronouncement or poll, “TEAR DOWN THIS WALL.”