When I was growing up, it was common for children to be given a “Book of Remembrance.”  I was proud of mine.  My mother had done a ton of family history research.  She found pictures of many ancestors, copied their faces and pasted the photos in the family tree section.  It was fascinating to ruminate on those images of my grandparents up the line.

Book of Remembrance templates were sold by the church.  Right at the beginning of each book was a graphic representation of the Plan of Salvation.  I loved its clear and plain presentation.  From an early age, I knew that apostates were evil and destined for a nightmarish future.  The picture above is very similar to the page included in my Book of Remembrance.

In addition, Spencer W. Kimball taught in his book “The Miracle of Forgiveness” that excommunication is worse than death.

Dear Mormon Friends & Family,

Your prophets teach that apostates end up in outer darkness at worst or the Telestial Kingdom at best.  Both are places of eternal separation from family.  

Do you, my dear Mormon friends & family, follow your prophets on this one? Do you believe that I will be forever consigned to a dwelling with no light and no glory?  Or maybe a step above, where I’ll spend eternity with murderers and rapists?

Just so you know, sometimes it is hard on me to be around believing Mormons.  Often, the thought creeps in that you support and sustain the prophet in condemning me to a fate “worse than death.”  That you believe I am not worthy to ever see my wife or my children after I die.  You may say that you don’t condemn me.  But, don’t you in actuality condemn me if you sustain the fact that your prophet has condemned me?

Contemplating what you may believe can play interesting tricks on my mind. 

I am hoping that eventually, this mental drama will fade away.  Especially, since I no longer believe in a God who would make such an inane judgment.  The trauma playing out in my mind has nothing to do with MY worries for the after life.  It’s all about standing in front of someone knowing they might believe what their prophets have taught them about my eternal damnation.

Maybe I’m wrong.  Perhaps God’s morals are different from mine and he’s going to support the prophet’s decision sending me to Mormon hell.  If that were to be the case, I would still stand up to protect children and to help heal the wounded.  I would rather sacrifice my eternal reward than to compromise my integrity and moral compass.   After all, what the heck is salvation worth if I have turn a blind eye to children’s suffering.

Warm regards, Sam