I just returned a call from one of the Reverends at St John Missionary Baptist church. Four years ago, my local LDS leaders asked to me start going there, become friends and look for ways to serve. Today, they are great friends with me, with others in my ward and with the Mormon Church in general. We have offered service to them in many, many ways over the years. It has been a beautiful assignment.
Over the past couple of years, I have shared with this particular Reverend some of my questions and doubts. On today’s phone call, he asked how my faith journey was going. Here are parts of my response:
1) Most of my questions and doubts have been answered. My faith is now settled…firmly in the teachings and example of Jesus Christ.
2) I’m still a member of the Mormon church. However, I now recognize that it has some huge problems.
3) I’ve chosen to not remain silent about these problems. Rather, to openly speak out about them. Some have said that I’ll be excommunicated as a result.
4) Then this interchange:
SAM: Suppose you had a 12 year old daughter. You take her to church. Then, without your permission, the pastor does something with your child, unbeknownst to you. He takes her into a room. He closes the door.. Your young daughter ALL ALONE with this older man. He then asks, “Do you masturbate?”
REVEREND: Immediately he blurted out, NO!! That’s wrong. The pastor should never be along with a child. He should never ask a quesiont like that. NO! It’s none of his business.
SAM: This is a common practice in my church and I’ve been very outspoken against it.
REVEREND: I‘m right there with you. That is wrong.
Our Mormon church has an idiotic, dangerous, and harmful custom imbedded in our “youth” interviews. It’s inexcusable that this is still happening. It’s inexcusable that any parent is allowing this to go on. Our interview practice is disgusting. I now think that it’s even more offensive that parents in the Mormon church allow this to go on.
Come on, Mormon parents, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. They are your children. You are supposed to protect them.
Otherwise, delete the “protection” part of the Family Proclamation and add this:
“We Proclaim to the world that, starting at age 12, children are to be grilled about masturbation, behind closed doors, alone with an older untrained man.”
I’m a Mormon parent and grandparent and proud to own my opposition to this apalling practice.
Are you a parent/grandparent who supports the church’s masturbation interviews with your innocent kids? If you remain silent…you own it, my friend. Otherwise, stand up, speak out and stop this crap that continues to defile our church and especially our kids.
P.S.
Do you disapprove of private, closed door, masturbation interviews with your children? If so, feel free to express disapproval on the Common Consent Register found HERE.
Tocubit Is Invisible's Cubit 
Don’t allow “private” interviews with the children .
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Or probing sexual questions.
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Sam- u have crossed the line – why the hell would u lay the above on the table with these folks ?? You’ve gone bonkers !!!
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Gerry, It’s the church that has crossed the line, with my tender children. They continue to cross it every week with thousands of children across the country. If we are so embarrassed about this disgusting practice in our church, we should stand up, speak out and get rid of it. The stake presidents hide the fact that they are doing it. The bishops hide the fact that they are doing it. I am NOT going to hide it. We should be proud of our church culture and doctrine. If we are not proud of it.. LET’s GET RID OF IT.
If you are not proud of our masturbation interviews, how about helping eliminate them. I’ve just announced on my FB page that I plan to write a letter to our Stake President. How about putting your signature down in open disapproval?
BTW, if you are so embarrassed that I would discuss this with my friends outside of the church, doesn’t that alone send a message that our leaders are dead wrong about what they are doing with our kids?
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I was on the receiving end of those questions in the 70’s / 80’s and confessed to doing it initially, but then started lying about it when I found it hard to quit. I felt guilt for many many years for something I personally saw no harm in doing, but was taught that it was a grievous sin. When my sons were teens I thought to my self they would be asked the same question, but I didn’t stop it because I was of the insane belief that it was a sin and the questioning was normal. My sons are now all in their 20’s and I regret now that I didn’t stop it at the time. I wish I could go back in time and stop the interviews. I hate the brainwashing that I now see I was subjected to to think that it would be ok for them to be asked the same questions I hated being asked. I rationalized that I survived the questioning and they too would be able to. I wish my eyes had been opened to this horrible practice much earlier.
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Sam, I agree 100% that parents are responsible for this travesty. We need t be teaching our children to be more confident and 12 is not too early to teach them self responsibility. If I had it to do it all over again, I would have told my children to stand up and walk out of any Bishops office who asked them a question that made them feel uncomfortable. If the Bishop said anything , I would tell him to talk to my parent(s). I happen to feel that masturbation is a disgusting habit. However, it’s none of anyone’s business but the participator and the Lord. If you think it’s okay, you lie to the Bishop. You take it up with Him. He is the only one to make that judgement.
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Yes!!!! We agree on so many darned things, my friend. Thank you for the good parent and the good person that you are.
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While agree that parents need to teach their children responsibility and to stand up to the questioning, I don’t think the are responsible for the travesty. That falls directly on the institutional church. Local leaders are doing the best they can, but are left to their own devices. They aren’t trained in pastoral care. They aren’t trained counselors. They are accountants and lawyers and salesmen and doctors, etc. And that’s fine. But their needs to be better training, from the top down, on what is appropriate and what isn’t. The problem, IMO, is that if you polled the Q15, I am willing to bet many of them would be fine with this line of questioning. Until things change at the top, and then gets clearly communicated down to the leaders in the trenches, we will continue to have mixed results. A letter from the First Presidency to Bishops condemning this line of questioning and a similar addition to the Handbook of Instructions would be a good start. But I won’t hold my breath. 🙂
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Hey Sam,
Missing you on Facebook. Thought you might like to know that you are making some ripples in the active LDS community that are being noticed. Have you seen this podcast?
https://player.fm/series/mormon-discussion-podcast/274-safe-and-unsafe-boundaries-in-mormonism
I respect you wanting to take a short break, but wanted you to know that your ideas are important, and are making people think. Hope to see you posting again soon, my friend!
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Hi Lisa,
I’m making ripples? Well good. There should be gigantic waves roiling in the minds of good Mormon parents.
Thanks for the reference to Bill Reel’s podcast. I’ll definitely give it a listen.
And I’ll be back!
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